Today, Wednesday 5th January 2011 marks the official turning of the newest page of my life.
Okay so today wasnt THAT momentus- didnt quite hit the steamed veggies and water today... I figure for now I have the party on saturday so I dont really need to cut out ALL unhealthy shit- Im still drinking and eating pretty shit (although now Im up home with ma and pa I am eating a lot more fresh produce). But something kind of big happened internally today.
I was parusing facebook today and stumbled upon photos of my ex and his new boyfriend on their New Years holiday, It has been over a year since we split so I was quite surprised at how upset it had made me. For some reason it gave me a knot in my stomach- a sick feeling kind of washed over me and has lingered for the whole day. The feeling did dull gradually and I decided that I would not look at this as something for me to wallow about I have chosen to use this as a motivating factor.
This year is my year. Last year was all about me- or so I thought but it was the wrong kind of selfishness. It was material things that I used to make myself feel good. I now have a full wardobe and nice living room but today made me realise that I have not made as much progress as I thought I had. Instead of actually dealing with all of my emotional baggage I was just swapping it for my want of things. This year I am going to make it about ME but in a mind body and sould kind of approach...
These are the 10 promises I have made to myself:
- I need to face my problems head on
- Things will get worse before they can get better
- I cant expect to be happy straight away
- I will save more
- I will buy less
- I will excersize more
- I will eat less
- I will drink less
- I wont smoke
- I will feel better one day
So today I have been shovelling bark for Mum today- 2 trailer loads, this was closeley followed up by some firewood stacking and chopping (its summer here but it cant hurt to be prepared right?). I kind of went a bit crazy with determination. This was mainley sparked by the photos I had seen and how sick, jealous, hurt and angry they had made me feel. I was going to follow all of this up with a run but my cousin and his wife and two kids decided to come over for dinner which was actually really nice- their daughters are really cool (theyre only like 12 and 7). I was like the COOLEST person in the world to them... well for tonight at least. We did cartwheels out on the lawn and then drew pictures using both our hands and then we put the pen between our toeas and wrote stuff with our feet- now I have two cool pictures to hang up at work when I go back. Then at the end of the night they ran up and gave me the biggest hug goodbye. It made me miss being young and carefree and innocent!!
But tomorrow I will be going for a mass run for sure- I have my new trainers and my iPod- I am unstoppable!
I hope you are all keeping sexy!
Love from me
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