Tuesday, May 17, 2011


Hey guys- check the new blog outrageouswhat.blogspot.com Its still me... only you get to meet the real me :D Ill be closing this one sooner or later so have a look and follow if you want



Saturday, May 14, 2011

So this is how it goes down

Okay so this is how my night went down last night:

I got home from work at five and remembered that I promised Nicole that  I would go with her to the vet slave auction (some kind of fundraiser). So we leave at 6 with Lauren and pick up some of Nicoles friends on the way - Duncan, Sam, and Big Gay Ray. Because I had decided earlier on that I want to have a sober month I had made the move towards not drinking. Nicole had made that same move as she has a lot of study to do. So we get there and I very quickly feel socially awkward and seek alcohol to remedy the situation- 8 beers in (I was buying them 4 at a time) and I decide that I may as well make a night of it and keep going. This was around the time that they started auctioning off a prosthetic leg which I began to bid for (you can never be too prepared right?). LUCKILY I didnt win because it went for $200 to my friend Sarah. Anyway we make it to town and Im pretty sure Iv managed to offend every person in the car - for some reason Im going through this faze of being really mean to people when Im drunk. In particular Sam because he was giving me a creepy vibe and wouldnt stop asking me questions about my life. So I was like "fuck you talk a lot of shit" after he told me I looked like I could be in the new video clip from LMFAO because of my 'look'... What do we think??? Insult or compliment? Im still not 100% sure. Anyway we head to the Beer Barrel and down what Nicole and I have dubbed the "Quick Cum In Your Pants Before You Fuck Me" (QCIYPBYFM) which is a story for another day but is based on an unfortunate situation Nicole found herself in... anyway is Tequila and Bayleys - sounds gross right? SURPRISINGLY NOT!

Anyway this goes on for a while drinking and being a total loser lol. I had the best drunken chat to Sarah about how we need to hang out more etc etc you know the usual drunken D&M's that you get on a night out. And then I spotted this chick who was obviously a big lezzy and basically forced her to become my bestie for the rest of the night. So I dragged her off to the gay bar because she had never been and I seem to always end up there. Chris was there Ilian and you will be surprised to know that I was extremely couteous. So I basically danced like a madman for a few hours with this chick (who I dont even know her name at this point) and then I see Scott from One 4 All and have a yarn and then Zachary and drag him up for a dance... and then we made out a bit which was a bit of a surprise but not all bad lol.

Then my friend Lee turns up and at the end of the night we end up going back to her place... We sat and got high for a bit and then I got in an argument with her flatmate because I didnt believe he had the job he said he had... he was claiming to have a pretty sweet job but he just looked thick as shit lol so after offending him I taxid home.

I wake up this morning to Nicole bursting into my room asking me if I wanted breakfast... Three things happened at once here that surprised me.

1- Nicole waking me up
2- Zachary was next to me
3- We were both naked

So turns out we slept together... until like 6 in the morning coz I remember my alarm going off and interrupting lol.

I found out later from Nicole that she bought a guy home that I got in a fight with in first year because he called my sister a slut. So anyway she called him on it and basically called him a dick which made me happy. What also made me happy was the fact that she said he had a small dick and was a crap root- she also has his credit card still!  So it turns out this guy Dan was at the auction too and I was going through my phone this morning and this was the message I sent my sister "You remember that guy that you slept with that I got in a fight with that I hate... hes gonna get raped by a gay guy" - for the longest time I was worried that the 'gay guy' Iwas referring to was me and I was somehow planning to take him against his will- thankfully Nicole was able to shed some light on that and turns out Big Gay Ray (the dirty sleaze) was hitting on him quite obviously all night.

... then I had KFC and took the dog for a walk and I now dont plan on leaving my bed for the rest of the weekend...

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

On Hiatus

Okay sorry guys I have not really had the energy to blog in a LONG time! 

A lot of shit has been going on in my life quite recently- the first and probably the most exciting is that I finally got a bite and had a job interview today. OMG I had to do a typing test and I was so nervous I only managed 47 words a minute- thank god the minimum requirement is 30 (I would like to point out I got 97% accuracy though).

Point number 2- we had our '6 month inspection' the other week and spent the weekend making the place presentable- By presentable Im not just talking ding the dishes and giving the dust a wipe- Im talking buying a lawn mower AND Vacuum cleaner and going nuts! - Wait it gets better- the inspection is while I am at work so I dont really get to see how the whole thing goes down but from what I hear it went a little something like this:

Paz: "Welcome landlords to our wonderful home"
Aunty Cole: "Yes welcome to the home what love built"
Paz: "Some may even compare us to a nun- we don't ever have sex- we don't even have genitals."
Aunty Cole: "No drinking allowed in this house... in fact we have a rule against anything 'fun'- We just live here and clean... We are good tenants you see and that is what good tenants do."
Paz: "Please wont you come in."
Christian Landlord: "We want you to move out because we are moving in!"
So basically the last couple of weeks have been spent looking for places to live... and WE GOT ONE! Thanks to Paz and Aunty Cole everything has been taken care of- It makes me feel kind of inadequate and lazy. its not that I didnt want to help its just they seem to be 2+/- 1 step ahead... anyway without much help from me we are moving this weekend which I am super excited about!!!

Now on to the not so good news. Rowdy (ex's ex best friend) got back in contact with me which makes me not so happy but I am thinking of just getting him around for a bit of a spoon- not even sex just feeling like cuddles at the moment. 

I have been kind of like that for a while and Im not sure why but even more now because I found out last night that a friend of mine who I used to work with and had THE biggest crush on was killed in a car accident only the day before. So Im a little down at the moment and I think the reason I decided to do this post was because I dont really feel like I can talk to any of my friend about it because I dont want to drag them down either... lets call it blog therapy? 

So I dont know what this is but its something I caught myself writing mindlessly after I was given the bad news. Im not sure that it will make sense to anyone but me but I feel the need to get it out of my system.

I used to think about almost every day
When you smiled it made me smile
When we talked it gave me butterflies
When you laughed it made me sick with 'feelings'
When we laughed together I felt on top of the world

When you left I was sad
When you promised to keep in touch I held on to hope
When you didnt keep your promise I was distraught
When I started to get over you I saw you again

Then it started from the beginning
like a circle
Never seeming to end

Now youre gone for good

I think of all the things I could have said
I think of all the things I should have said
I think of all the things I wish I had said
I think of all the things I will never get to say

I miss you
I have missed you
I will never forget you


Monday, February 28, 2011

Guess Who Got Laid!!!?

Woohoo- and yes it was as angry and rough as I had anticipated. But to be honest I couldn't really give a fuck- I got what I wanted... I'm sure he got what we wanted and we managed to keep it quiet (always a bonus when there are peoples rooms adjoining 2 of my four walls). 

Work sucked just as much as I thought it would today. We have stopped doing the missing persons reports for Christchurch and another center has taken it over which is good news for us- I think it was starting to take its toll on a lot of our staff... But then just when I thought all the stress in my life was over with a big fuck more shit seems to hit the fan:

  • My car needs to be registered
  • To register my car it needs to pass its Warrant Of Fitness
  • Its warrant has been expired for about 1 month
  • The washing machine has broken
  • Im pretty sure I missed my doctors appointment
  • Im almost 100% sure I made the appointment in my sleep
  • Spent the whole of Sunday cleaning and gardening today for our house inspection
  • Bought a $200 vacuum cleaner and a $200 lawn mower to help with the cleaning
  • I couldn't make it to the inspection because I had to work
  • The landlords handed us 1 months notice to move out
All in all a shitty few weeks... In other news I'm thinking of starting to Vlog. I have fallen in love with otherijustine and Toby Turner and they make me want to vlog. But I'm also having one of those downer buzzez where I don't have many followers and I feel like I'm talking to one or two people- I hate to feel like a shameless self promoter but part of this blog was to meet new people and I feel like I haven't met anyone in a while SO if you have a blog and you like to read mine... heck you don't even need to like it... or read it- Rephrase that- if you know how to get to my blog or have just stumbled upon it by some kind of happy coincidence please post a link on your page- if you let me know I would be more than happy to do the same for you :D

Also you may have seen the link to Best Male Blogs over there >>>>> if you do read please go and vote for me :D

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

I'm okay!

Hi guys- I have received a couple of emails asking if I am okay since you haven't heard from me since disaster struck two days ago.

The day of the Christchurch earthquake will be one which resonates in the minds of all Kiwis both here and abroad for a long time after. The news have been covering the total devastation non stop for three days now- it's times like this though that I wish news stations only presented us with the facts. 

Campbell Live last night did many stories both happy and sad- I wish they could understand that people like me don't want these sad stories which have been over embellished to make the show seem as though it has a heart... and that it understands what these people are going through. Give me the FACTS!!

As most of you know I work in a Call Center- being that the Christchurch City Council Call Center that would normally handle minor distressful situations (which is only 12 seats) is unable to be opened- we have had the calls diverted to us- After only 4 hours sleep (I was wide awake the night and stupidly decided a run at 3am would zap sufficient amounts of my energy) I was woken up and told to come in to work straight away. The beginning was just calls seeking information on welfare points and water availability then later in the afternoon we started to take the over-flow from the Missing Persons Center- 11 hours later I was sent home for three hours to sleep which of course I less than capable of doing with my mind racing at 100 miles an hour then back in to work at 9pm with $100 worth of Red Bull, V and chocolate and I worked through until 7:30 am this morning. In this shift, the missing persons calls came flooding in- some genuine like the man looking for his wife and children who had been in the CTV building to some less genuine calls from international reporters wanting to the the "scoop" or someones great uncles sister who is ringing on behalf of her brother from England who wants to know if 'Susan Smith' is okay (NOT a real query just a made up name) because they know that she lives in New Zealand but they are not sure where because the last time they spoke to her was Christmas Day 2005. There was some happy calls of people who called in to say that people they had reported missing had been found- but then we also got a few where people were found but they were not alive.

I am blown away but the attitudes of the people who were here taking these calls with me- throughout all of the distress and sadness they managed to keep positive and get the job done- We have had people volunteering for this left-right and center from strangers to ex staff of ours and all who are more than happy to help where they can  for as long as we need them and I think times like this- these people are testament to the Kiwi culture and how we are all there for one another. We may argue and fight amongst ourselves over trivial matters but we band together where it counts the most and that is why I love this country... It's a shame that sometimes it take such a disaster for a country to show its true colors.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Pent Up Anger+Pent Up Sexual Frustration

I feel sorry for the next person I have sex with- Seriously- I have that much pent up anger and that much sperm in stores that its basically going to be the loudest angriest roughest fuck of all time.

No bastard will hire me still. Iv been considering going in to prostitution... Its basically against everything I stand for but A) its legal here and B) I am really THAT desperate for a new job. Also I guess it would kind of kill two birds with one stone in my case. I get loads of sex- all the angry sex i could want AND I get paid to do it.

I cant remember if I told you about the argument I had with my boss a couple of weeks back. Basically she tried to discipline me for something that I was had 0 involvement in and in the meeting we had- she started getting quite heated. More yelling at DR woo hoo she even went so far as to swear at me. Keep in mind this is the nice boss who wouldn't hurt a fly but basically in this place 'shit rolls down hill' and it hits you hard and fast. I took this chance to basically vent my frustrations about the crappy company and her as a shitty boss... Needless to say- she barely speaks to me now.

To be honest- everything I said to here was not out of exasperation and it wasn't anything I regret saying... Basically she was given her promotion because she lied and cheated to make herself look the best, whether or not staff are allowed to do certain things is totally dependent on her mood and she dances around the answer to any question because she can't answer anything because she has no fucking clue what she is doing. I told her all of this- not once did she deny anything and not once did she form any kind of rebuttal to my argument.

The stupid thing is she has gone all childish about the whole thing and is ignoring me- she has also cut me and Joey from Facebook (something I wouldn't have ever known if Joey hadn't told me since I don't actually put much stock in the site) but she has also had a bitch to her husband about it and now every time he calls for her and I answer I have to put up with his rudeness. 

I think this whole incident  has taught me a lot about character and how not to judge a book by its cover... Because at the end of the day- your friend will be willing to screw you if it means they get to look good. 

Anyway its been like 3 weeks since I've had a shag and I was thinking about it just before and I haven't had a decent pash in a while either... Whats going on with me- I have changed. I seem to have replaced my alcohol and sex fueled nights with running and gardening of all things... I don't like who I'm turning in to. I'm scared of being bored- I even applied for a job at a bank... A BANK FOR FUCK SAKE! I couldn't think of anything more boring!!!  

So I have another bone to pick also... Joey whom I love dearly is kinda seeing this guy whom I hate with a passion. Before she moved in here I told her that I didn't want him coming around since I have seen and heard about the way he treats her and I don't like it at all. So she moved in and he started coming over any way. I figured I would let this one slide since she probably just wanted a familiar face or something I dunno... Pre-cursor to this story- we were drinking one night at my place before she moved in and he rings her non stop to abuse her "You're just a fucking slut" "You're worthless" "I'm going to smash Kane" (her ex) and basically accusing her of being a whore some how I get dragged into this some guy he has NEVER met "Im getting sick of that DR faggot too". WTF? Dude A)I have never even met you B)Shes not your property let alone your girlfriend C)Go and hang yourself you pedophile (shes only 19 and hes in his 30's) The funny thing is he is nothing but nice to my face but I have been dragged into their arguments a couple of times now and he says some pretty nasty shit. OH P.S. the fucking loser lives with his ex girlfriend and THEIR daughter... Okay so Joey is a complete fuckwitt for even considering anything with this guy but she never listens to advice to I would rather just let her fuck up and learn from her own mistakes. 

So anyway I hear them argue all the time through the walls because our rooms are next to each other. I'm slowly getting to the end of my rope and the next time they argue I am going to tell her that I don't want him around here. A couple of weeks back me and Aunty Cole got sooooo fucking high and Joey and Pedo got so loud with their arguing that neither of us could tell if it was arguing or really rough sex. Basically the whole flat hates him coming over ... basically the whole flat hates him full stop. Pretty soon I'm sure the whole flat will hate her for brining him over. I am definitely planting that seed because she doesn't seem to get that it makes us all uncomfortable to seem him treat her like that. If he is here I have resolved to be cold and do anything short of ignore her and then when hes not around I'm friendly.  Aside from not wanting her to see him for her own sake- This is my house and I shouldn't be made to feel so uncomfortable in my own house. If he payed rent here guaranteed I would have moved out a long time ago but he doesn't so I feel I have every right to tell her that I don't want him here. If it boils down to it, I don't really care if that means her having to move out. If she is going to pick some scummy cunt over a friend that actually cares than thats her own doing- am I right?

Normally a good rant would make me feel better about stuff but now I just feel even angrier...

Thursday, February 17, 2011

How To Lower Your Petrol Prices

So Below is an email I got from this lady I work with who insists on sending me at least four pointless joke emails a day and I only let her keep doing it because she has no life and I feel sorry for her. 

Todays email was a little different in that it actually bought up a pretty good point- to my surprise. I did however feel kind of let down by the fact that it ended with one of those "Send this to 1 billion people and you will get lots and lots of sex" kind of deals because it would have otherwise been a half decent proposal. 

Consider the below email for me and let me know what you think. Personally I think it is a great idea (only I took out the bullshit at the end for your benefit-fuck Im good to you!).

This was originally sent by Phillip Hollsworth, a retired Coca Colaexecutive. If you are tired of the gas prices going up AND they will continue to rise this winter, take time to read this, PLEASE. 
Phillip offered this good idea.This makes MUCH MORE SENSE than the 'don't buy petrol on a certain day' campaign that was going around last April or May! It is worth your consideration. Join the resistance!!!! We are going to hit $ 2.00 a litre and it might go higher!! Want petrol prices to come down? We need to take some intelligent, united action. The oil companies just laughed at last year’s action because they knew we would not continue to 'hurt' ourselves by refusing to buy petrol.  It was more of an inconvenience to us than it was a problem for them.  BUT whoever thought of this idea, has come up with a plan that can really work. Please read on and join with us! By now, you're probably thinking petrol priced at about $1.50 is cheap.
It is currently $1.90 for regular unleaded. Now that the oil companies and the OPEC nations have conditioned us to think that the cost of a liter of gas is CHEAP at $1.50, we need to take aggressive action to teach them that BUYERS control the market place...not sellers.
With the price of gasoline going up more each day, we consumers need to take action. The only way we are going to see the price of petrol come down is if we hit someone in the pocketbook by not purchasing their petrol! And, we can do that WITHOUT hurting ourselves. How? Since we all rely on our cars, we can't just stop buying petrol. But we CAN have an impact on petrol prices if we all act together to force a price war. Here's the idea: For the rest of this year, DON'T purchase ANY petrol from  BP the biggest price-up driver company. If they are not selling any petrol, they will be inclined to reduce their prices. If they reduce their prices, the other companies will have to follow suit. But to have an impact, we need to reach literally millions of BP petrol buyers. It's SO simple!