Bring on 2011

Hey sexy readers. Just a quick message to let you know I'm still alive have been camping for Xmas an new years and have only just found Internet!!! Will be home soon to catch you all up ony shenanigans! Hope all ur xmases were amazing and ur planning a reckless new years! Live it up drink it down:D

xo

Something I HATE

Im a HUGE YouTube addict and I came across this video today which actually made me angry- Angry enough to illicit a response from me! I have gay friends yes- but i hate evangelical gays (much the same as I hate evangelical Christians). I dont get along with gays but I shouldnt be chastised for having these feelings- much the same as I dont believe I should be ridiculed for being gay or black people should be abused for the color of their skin... and the list goes on.

My Email Response:

This is the first video i have ever disliked.

I dont like gays and I am gay. I dont go out to gay bars and flaunt my dislike for gays and there is a good reason for that. A lot of the gays in my "community" don't do anything to improve peoples stereotypical perception of the community as a whole and yet they are quite happy to bitch and moan about gay hate and homophobia. A lot profess to be more than just gay but do nothing to actually BE more than simply gay- gay is simply a sexual preference it is not a personality trait and shouldnt be treated as such.

Its interesting to note that sex and being at a gay bar are almost linked in this video (no I realise they are not directly or outrightly linked- but the implication of having the two listed one after the other is still there and creates the association).

My ex boyfriend was the first person to introduce me to the whole "gay scene" and I knew from the outset that this was not the kind of "scene" I wanted to be involved in nor are these the kind of people that I want to associate myself with- this does not make me a homophobe- This makes me selective- The same would have occurred if he had introduced me to a community of drug users (in some cases the two are linked).

Yes I fuck guys because I enjoy it that doesnt make me a hypocrite! If I were straight and I didnt like one particular type of girl - say I didnt like blondes because I thought they were shallow and self absorbed (not the case but just for arguments sake) Im still straight and Im not trying to skew the light I feel I am portrayed in and Im still having sex with girls- Im not labelled anything- its the same principal in this situation. So why then is it such a terrible thing for gay men not to like other gay men?

You say that I am self loathing and insecure- Since I came out I have never been more confident or sure of myself- I dont pretend to be something I am not- I dont pretend to be one of they gays that I would rather avoid nor do I pretend to be straight- If ever I am asked about my sexuality I am 100% truthful and 100% proud to be who I am. The key word there being I- I am proud of the person I have become since coming out- I am simply me and no one else- I should not feel penalized by evangelical gays for not welcoming the community with open arms.

Yes I agree that going to a gay bar to bitch about how much you hate gays seems to be a BIG contradiction and is more than likely a reflection of this persons insecurities- I just wanted to make sure you know that not ALL gays who dont like gays are like that.

Making Plans

As a recent graduate I get asked with monotinous regularity what I want to do with my life... The more I am asked this the more I find myself asking the same question... What do I want to do with my life?

When I was 5 I wanted to be in the Army

By the time I was 10 I wanted to work with horses

At the age of 13 I wanted to be an architect

Four years later I wanted to be a graphic designer

Now Im 21 and Im not sure of anything!

Experience has taught me I get bored easily and I like to change my mind often and at random.

This time last week I decided that I didnt hate my job so much and was thinking of staying a bit longer but today I loathe it and cant wait to find another.... But what kind of job do I want?

Advertising sounds cool... so does PR or working in the communications sector..... Journalism or web development have even started to grow on me. But different days and moods seem to dictate where I want to be!

I have been obsessed with Gilmore Girls over the last few weeks and have now decided I am jealous of how organised Rory is and how she knows exactly what she wants to be doing with her life after study- Rory wants to be a journalist (which could explain my recent fascination). It makes me wonder- and I know its only a soap- but is it even humanly possible to pick a profession and know that it is the right thing for you, for life?

I will never forget the worst bit of career advice I was ever given tome by one of my teachers; "People change their careers all the time- don't stress over what you think you should be doing for the rest of your life at your age" keep in mind that I was an impressionable 17 year old at the time.... Some times I like to blame this teacher for the lax attitude I have towards planning the next step in my life.

Ofcourse it matters what I want to do with my life! I should have started planning this a long time ago- sure I wouldnt be earning the money I am at the moment but I would probably be somewhere that I actually enjoy- thanks to my crap attitude and poor planning skills I have no idea what that is!

The only thing I seem to be sure of is the fact that I want to travel!

South America here I come! So I was asked in an older post where in Sth Am I would like to visit- here is my plan:

Brazil:

Start in Rio de Janeiro

Pantanal via Campo Grande

Ecuador:

Quito and the market in Otavalo

Galapagos Islands

Peru:

Iquitos to see the Amazon

Lima

Cuzco

Inca Trail and Machu Picchu

Lake Titicaca (Peru side)

Colca Canyon

Chile:

San Pedro de Atacama

Santiago

Easter Island 

Valparaiso and Vina del Mar

Argentina:

Mendoza and skiing in Las Lenas

Buenos Aires

Iquazu Falls (Brazil side too if possible)

End in Buenos Aires for flight to the US to visit friends in Utah and Washington

The WORST date in HISTORY

So I had my second date with Azza today and it was THE single most crap date I have ever been on in my whole entire life!!!! I kind of cant be bothered to type it all so I thought I would give you a copy of my Facebook chat to my friend Jai (who I had a thing with once a while ago)- NB Jai has a hary ass and I would never go "there" again- but he is a really good friend now...

ME: so the date was a otal awkward nightmare!

JAI: omg

ME: total*

JAI: I was just thinking of u lol

ahaha

What happened?

do tell!

ME: aw I bet ur were you little mynx lol

well I was hungover when we best right so my percetion was already fucked but he picked my up and gave me this real awkward hug that was inappropriately tight

then we got to dinner and he was boring as hell so I had to force conversation the whole time

JAI: I need a full name.

ME: then when we had finished dinner the waitress brings over a plate of chocolate and shes like "this is from Thai and Jarred" or what ever Thais partner is called and Im like OMG super awkward- I dont even know these people (they were hi friends Thai was the one who got Diane from my work to set us up)

and the poor waitress looked so awkward

then I made up some bulshit excuse about how I had to help the neighbor wrap xmas presents tonight so that the date would be cut short

JAI: LMFAO!

ME: he drops me home and I thought I had escaped without another awkward and kinda gross hug I got two feet away from the car and he was like

JAI: awwwwwkward turtle!

ME: "I wanna give you a hug"

this was at the end of my drivewy and IM thinking I dont want all the neighbors to see so I was like "ok you can walk me to the door"

we get there and yet another anavoidable shitty hug and he goes in for a kiss on the cheek and then somehow scrambled his way to my lips and im like in totaly shock- too shocked to move

it was honestly like kissing a fish

JAI: omg fullname place

please*

I wont tell!

ME:so I kinda pride myself on being good at kissing (most of the time)

im not finished

lol

so I try to make the most out of a shit situation and see if I can illicit some kind of decent kiss out of him and I got NOTHING he was so gross

when he left i ran inside to my bathrrom and brushed my whole mouth out and changed my shirt immediately to get the smell off him

then i get a txt like half an hour later "wow that was amazing. I had a really nice time tonight I hope you did too. I cant wait until tuesday"

now I have to make up some excuse about not seeing him on tuesday coz I kinda till feel gross

ME: his name is Azza Something

JAI: ewww

u can do much better

ME: lol I think I only did it to get Dee off my back coz she wouldnt stop going on about him

on a positive there was a cute waiter working at the restaurant so i had something nice to look at

I still feel really gross though

but thanks for thinking I can do better lol

JAI: ya u can

x100

he looks uhh

ME: lol

JAI: boring!

OMG OMG

ME: FUCK he was boring as hell

AND so concludes another interesting chapter of my life- How could I have ever thought he was so amazing??? Was I drunk for the last two weeks?!!! WHAT WAS I THINKING!!!

FUCK IT

I had this whole post written and basically ready to publish and then what the fuck happens "Internet Explorer has encountered a problem and has to close- we are sorry for any inconvenience" Like fuck they are sorry- am I the only one who gets angry at the automatic messages that apologise for fuckups?

Basically I had my travel plans all mapped out and I was going to end with a link to the two artist I want to see live while Im in America but instead now you get a YouTube video :D

I love Julia Nunes

and I want to have lots and lots of dirty sex with Jay Brannan

I NEED to see them live! I have a totally boy crush on Julia- if I was straight I would totally want her.... I think even if I was straight I would want Jay

3 Days, 3 Dates, 3 Gays

Okay so lets fill you all in. 

Just got in from a coffee date with David... Iv decided he was a lot more fun when I was drunk... He's religious which I dont actually have a problem with. The funny thing was, going into this date I thought that the one thing that would let us down would be that he was religious. Turns out we just dont really have too much in common and I dont find him very interesting to talk to. I think he got the hint that I was bored when I kept looking out the window. I feel kind of horrible now because at the time I didnt realise I was doing it- or how rude it actually was. but there you go! My subconscious even had something to say about the whole affair.

Okay moving on to Zane who I met up with the other day- I have known him the longest out of the three and he is a really sweet guy but I find him a bit full on at times. I haven't yet decided if that was simply nerves or if hes actually that wired ALL THE TIME. I could see a future with him though being that he is actually very interesting to talk to and hes hot. Im talking Adam Lambert hot (I think thats mainly the haircut). Yet another surprise here about why we cant or probably wont end up being together.... He applied for a job where I work today. Okay doesn't sound like a big deal right? WRONG! If he does get the job I will be his boss- I dont think Im mature enough to deal with that kind of responsibility for starters but also I am going to find it hard enough being his boss (should he get the job) just because we are friends ... and have fooled around. Also- in my job everyone goes through and eight week probation- basically if you dont meet the standards required by the end of it you are out. Imagine having to fire your own boyfriend. Forget about worrying that youre his boss but now you have to tell him he no longer has a job!

Then we come to Azza- the blind date. You know where you have those moments where you think "I met my future husband today"... kinda like  that (okay maybe not THAT serious but he is SUPER SUPER sweet) only I think Im scaring myself out of taking it seriously with him because he is too nice- is there such a thing as too nice?... Our first date he told me I have " the cutest smile" and "most gorgeous eyes"- Sweet right?  Me being me with a combinations of shock and hungoverness just kind of thanked him. But does anyone else find it a bit full on that Im getting told this on a first date? Also I set the bar quite low on that date because I was hungover as fuck and not looking at all my best! 

...Okay so I like him a lot and Im probably over analysing the situation. But after the shit that I have been through with crappy guys I prefer to err on the side of caution. I worry that by doing this though I risk putting him off by seeming not interested? I think Im going to send Woody a message- we have this deal (because we both know we tend to over analyse things) that if we are ever in a panic to email the other one and be the voice of reason. 

Okay so this kind of turned into a rant but I kinda got myself into a panic about it the more I wrote- Breathe.... breathe.... breathe.....

....And we're still a little panicked but better.

Okay so if you got lost in all of that basically on a scale of 1-3 we have Azza coming in a solid 1st place, Zane- a close second and trailing in third David...

Dont you worry there will be more to come next Sunday- Azza and I are going out for dinner... wish me luck xo

Fucking Telemarketers

So we all get them- those calls that interrupt your dinner from strangers who you just know are trying to sell you something or get you to answer questions about something you couldn't actually give two shits about.

Well heres the inside scoop! I work in a call center which rings people to get donations for charities. We are the people everyone loves to hate.... and to be fair- I hate us too. But what do you do when you get one? Are you a yeller? are you a polite listener? do you let us down gently? 

TIP 1- 

Me personally- if I know for sure I'm not interested- I hang up straight away. In my experience I prefer the people who hang up on me... Most people feel bad about doing this but not only do you avoid a lengthy conversation about the weather and your plans for a weekend but the person calling would probably prefer it if you keep the rejection quick and to the point.

TIP 2- 

If you say no they WILL come back at you. Most people that do this hate this part of the job so go easy. 

One thing that really shits me is when people say "Did you not just hear me?" or the "Do you not understand what I am saying?" I hear you bitch... I just don't care! Basically this is the "selling" part of the job- they will give you what is known as 'Features and Benefits' The whole point behind these is to present your reason for not buying something or doing what ever they want you to do in a different light with reasons on how they can still achieve the same outcome - i.e. you donating in our case- but make it easier for you. The best thing to do in this situation is to simply say "I'm not interested" don't make up excuses- we can all tell when you are lying (we speak to hundreds of people every day trust me we can tell). The more excuses you give the more selling points they will be able to use. Less IS more in your case!

TIP 3-

The aim of the calling game is to take control of the call most telemarketers will in training be told to "Be assertive". Dont let them. Get them on the back foot by talking a little louder than you normally would. Dont confuse this with yelling - yelling just makes us angry and we will probably go to great lengths to piss you off just for the hell of it. Loud=strong, assertive, domineering. If you have children and you want them to do something that they dont want to do you raise your voice dont you? Same thing here!

TIP 4-

Be too nice! A lot of people find it hard in this job to push people into things if they're super nice. In my case- if I make friends with the person I call I feel bad about trying to get money out of them for a cause they've never heard of and probably don't care about. 

TIP 5- 

If the person is lucky enough to sucker you in- use silence to your advantage. Awkward silence is your friend. I always use this to get higher donations out of people. Basically the trick is you present the person with the different values starting highest and going down. In my case I have 5 different values but will only tell you about 3 of them- you guessed it the highest three. Not a lie; an omission! When i get to the 3rd one I stop and wait for a response- you are probably waiting for me to give you a lower amount but I am using the silence to my advantage. Most people I call hate awkward silence and are quick to fill it. This can work for you as well- most callers hate awkward silence- if they do have any backups or deals they can give you they will be quick to tell you about them rather than risk losing a deal.

TIP 6-

Want to have a bit of fun? Piss off the person calling you? Forget their name. Find something very similar and start using that. Better yet find something that sounds nothing like it and use that! I work with one lady who's name is Andrea and every day she gets something new, it really pisses her off. 

On top of this if you do want to listen to the whole call ask as many questions you can- hammer them and really test their knowledge make sure they're really earning their money!

This weekend has been AMAZING- a 9.5 on a scale of 1-10!!! Day at the races on Saturday- drinking from 11 to 11. I love to dress up fancy and even did my hair real classic like- debonair is how I would describe me! Managed to cut my foot deep and forget how it happened! Sunday (today) had a date with Azza... yes there is yet another guy! This one I was set up through a woman at work... you remember Dee- well her. Azza is really cute and told me I had the cutest smile and gorgeous eyes... possibly a bit full on for my liking but possibly the SWEETEST guy I have ever met- a little nervous but in a cute way! So watch this space!

My Coming Out Story

So I guess this is the full version. I cant remember how much i have already told you all about my coming out story and I cant be bothered to go back and find out so this is the full version...

Okay so while I was at school I was working part time as a checkout bitch at a supermarket. I had slept with a few more guys at this point (since the random in the car) and I was getting more and more bold with approaching people- and by this I mean I was still chicken shit but I would actually do something rather than nothing.

Anyway I had noticed this guy a couple of weeks before- Remember Im from a small town so you notice the ones who arent from there. Anyway he came in almost every day that I worked and always looked at me more than what I felt was normal. So this went on for a couple of weeks until one night- my last night ever working there- and I was in a crazy mood. He came thought and bought what ever and I saw him about to come up to my friends checkout so before he got there I rushed to the office to find a pen and paper and quickly scribbled my number down on it. Walked out just as he was getting served to I casually strolled over (thinking now it was more of a power walk so I didnt miss my opportunity). 

Youre probably all thinking by now how brave I am to be giving out my number to a guy surrounded by people when Im not even out yet- or 100% sure that he is gay.... Well stop coz thats not how it happened  :) I walked up to his check out and started packing his groceries- you guessed it I slipped my number in the bag! I kind of half expected him to lose the number- I mean lets be honest- who is that thorough when they empty their groceries? But funnily enough I got a SMS about 5 minutes after he had walked out the door asking who I was and why my number was in his bag.

Not wanting to bull shit I told him exactly who I was and just out asked if he was gay- to which he replied yes. I remember saying some thing like "I knew you looked at me longer that any normal straight guy would!" (since I was 17 and seemed to think I had infinite wisdom on being gay). Basically we started seeing each other from that point on... for about 3 days. I dont even class him as a boyfriend because it was that short. His story was that he was visiting his dad for a few weeks and had to head home. At the end of three days I was kind fo glad though- his voice got kind annoying and his name was brad and he kept referring to himself as "B-Rad". 

Anyway the whole reason i ended up coming out was because I was sating at my friend Mo's place (shes a lesbian) and I wanted him to come over coz I was horny- so we were driving back to her place one night and I decided I would tell her! 

Me- "So..... I.... never mind"

Mo- "Fuck okay"

Me- "I...... I wanna tell you something"

Mo- "Well hurry up"

Me- "You have to promise not to tell any one- not even your mum- or Miss" - miss was her GF

Mo- "Just fucking spit it out!"

Me- "I...... I've kinda...."

Mo- "You better hurry up"

Me- "Iv met some one,,,"

Mo- "OMG its a guy isnt it?"

Me- "Yea"

Mo- "So"

Me- "Well I was hoping he could come over tonight"

Mo- "I dont give a fuck"

And that was it- oh well B-Rad came over and surprisingly so did a few of Mo's mates- fucking sneaky bitch- but I love her to pieces!

So that was the biggest hurdle for me over- she was my closet friend back then and her opinion ment the world to me- It probably helped she was a dyke though. 

Basically- the rest I think i have told you all- The night before I left home to go to Uni I went out and got drunk- as did basically everyone in my year- My plan was to tell everyone that night... which I managed to do but as the night wore on I got more and more nervous so I ended up putting it off right until the very end of the night. Told everyone and went home. 

I think my reasoning was that I would never have to see these people again if I didn't want to or if they reacted badly. Thankfully I have only had to lose one friend because I was gay and the only reason were her religious beliefs. We did talk about it and she brought up the fact that a lot of her friends were gay but she didnt agree with it. I couldnt understand how she could be friend with people if she didnt agree with their lifestyle choices- to me it all seemed a bit two faced and it still does. 

Mum and Dad and my sister found  out a few months down the track while I was at uni. I SMS's my sister one night and told her but asked her not to tell mum and dad- sure enough half an hour later i get a call from mum and dad "Renee has told us your news". They were happy as long as I was happy and I cannot thank them enough for how easy they have made it on me.

Ill never forget they day Mum cracked her first gay joke- it was only funny because it came out of her mouth (so it was a pretty lame attempt as far as jokes in general go). But we were loading up the car later that year for a family trip to Singapore, London, Istanbul, Athens and eventually some city in Crete for my brothers wedding. Being mum she over packed her back and could barely drag it let alone lift it into the car so I offered to do it for her and it was a piece of cake for me. I turn to mum with a cheeky smile on my face expecting a thank you and I get;

"Pretty strong for a gay aren't you?"

I was buckled in half with laughter- the look on her face was classic the cheeky bitch!

Sex... No Sex

I just woke up and I'm kinda tired-So the coffee with David didnt go according to plan. He wanted to change the time because of his job but I already had other plans. He was genuinely sorry and I kept saying that it was fine and we had all the time in the world to meet up again and I kept getting these cute SMS's like "But I really wanna meet up... this isnt ideal" so I thought that was cute that he REALLY wanted to see me since we haven't really talked too extensively since I got his number.

In other news: Date number 2 Zane came over last night. We had planned to go out for dinner to this really cool Sushi place but we were both a bit fucked. He's in to theater and had a costume party the night before with the cast from the show he is in... I saw photos on facebook and honestly I have never thought Prince (or the artist formally known as...) was attractive- but Zane looked damn sexy! So we decided to just make sushi at mine and watch a movie. 

Now we have done the whole "movie at mine" bit in the past and for some reason I was never on my game and hesitant to make any kind of move. But last night it all just kind of happened like it was something we did all the time. We watched the movie in my room and lying on the bed we just kinda snuggled in to each other like it was the most normal thing on the world. After the movie we had about 2 hours of foreplay. Im still not sure if you can call it foreplay since it didnt really come before anything. He said he didnt want to sleep with me last night which I thought was a really smooth move! Kinda new territory for me but I went with it. Eventually we just ended up tangled up in this really cute cuddle after the everything-but-sex and I must say it was kinda nice knowing that I could not have sex with a guy who was in my bed for a change! FYI Im a way better kisser than him :P Don't get me wrong- hes really good... Im just better

ANYWAY I only meant to come on here to show you my Christmas Wish List

1. Albums by both Jay Brannan and Julia Nunes- I have always loved the both of them but always seem to forget to find them when Im on iTunes. Also I found out Jay was in the movie which brings me to number 2

2. 'Shortbus' where hes in this gay threesome and you basically see everything.

3. Tickets to BDO so I can see MIA live- shes my all time favorite artist!

4. I would like my Credit Card debt to be paid off- its not even a large debt... I just keep putting it off so I can buy shit I dont need like this glass computer desk when I already have a perfectly good one to use.

5. A new job- basically I have found myself in a field of work that I dont enjoy (Telemarketing) in a position I despise even more. Im a manager at the tender age of 21 which is pretty cool but its not where I want to be- and for the position the pay isnt even that good. Also why the hell do grown men and women insist on acting like complete children? Honestly some days I feel like a fucking school teacher!

6. To know that my parents are looked after. (Oooh getting to the real deep stuff now) Me and my sister moved out a couple of years ago to join the real world and since we've been gone I always worry about them. They've always had some form of company (i.e. our cat Polly and dog Abby) but Polly got put down 2 months ago and Abby, only last Friday. (I got my mum a cat and dog Pandora charm for Xmas)... so now its just to two of them I always worry that they get lonely.

7. A bigger penis  bed. Dont get me wrong Im not rocking a single or anything silly- I have a queen but I want a king or super king- Im about 6 foot which should mean that I have plenty of space but my feet still hang off the end! (Also FYI Im about 7.5 inches which Im happy with- Surprisingly Iv only slept with 2 guys who were bigger than me and they were massive!)

8. A new car. Mines nice but I dont like the color- and sometimes it squeaks which Im not a fan of.

9. An iPhone- just cos'

10. World Peace....

HAHAHA only joking! I honestly cant think of a tenth one

- rest assured thanks to my new follower I have a whole bunch of new post ideas so you will be seeing a bit more of me!! (YAY)

No posts :(

Okay so I have kind of run dry on what to write about so I want as many comments with ideas or questions you might have for me? Ill basically answer anything you send me with 99.9% honesty so feel free to ask me anything you want!

Also- my baby blog has managed to double the amount of views I had from October to Novemeber so Im totally stoked- but I dont seem to get many comment's and seem to have stopped at the 13 follower mark... I know there are way more readers out there (Blogger told me so) so if you do read PLEASE show your apprecialtion- comment or mail me or better still follow me just so I know Im not talking to myself and the 13 awesome people totally cool enough to follow me. It can get pretty disheartening not getting anyfeed ack- I LOVE getting comments and new followers- I love chatting to new people and sharing life experiences so hit me up :D

Love yas x

Also quick question for you;

EMO boys- hot or not?

Online Dating

This is something that I find so amusing. 

I joined a site the other day just for a laugh and to secretly find out if there was anyone I knew on the site. I have always been fascinated by dating websites- ever since one of the kids at my school told me that one of our teachers had an ad up (OMG this totally reminds me of an even better story for another day where a teacher got fired for being found in a porn film)!

Anyway I find online dating silly for the following reasons-

1. For someone my age- there are hundreds of old men out there who think they can get some. Would you fuck you son? I find guys who try it on with guys 10+ years their junior sickening (somehow I would feel differently though if the relationship had grown organically-go  figure).

2. Guys seem to think a cock pic is a prerequisite. Do you whip yours out in the first 5 minutes of a first date?

3. A majority of the people on these sites are looking for a quick fuck and not a relationship. Really these sites should be called "Online Fucking".

3.  You never REALLY know who you're talking to. My friend met up with this guy once and apparently the picture of this guy was about 20 years out of date!

First of all- Internet dating has, if anything, made dating a whole lot more dangerous. How can you ever be 100% sure whom ever you are talking to are who they say they are? Sure they make send you a genuine photo of themselves but we all know how easy the internet has made lying!

4. People always start with "I have having to write about myself" or "I never know what to put here..." 

For those with the "self conscious" ads- if you don't want to write about yourself don't go on a fucking dating site- 90% of generated content is written AND second of all whats this "I never know" bull shit... Just how many of these sites are you signed up to... and if its more than one should you not have a fair idea of what to write by now? 

Honestly its really not that fucking hard- 

"Barry, 21, works in advertising- recent graduate. Loves taking his dog on long walks down the river- going out with friends or hanging in and watching a movie" (Far from me by the way).

Also I hate how everything is abbreviated now days like 'GSOH' and 'DTE' why dont you just write 'IADFWLIITA' ("Im a dirty fag who likes it in the ass"- for those of us playing at home). It really shouldn't take you that much longer to type this shit out in full... unless of course you only have one hand, or are missing fingers.  

Its not a short story competition. Keep it brief - no one is really going to care THAT much about you until they meet you.., or at least they shouldn't. And if they are SO insecure that they are going to place all faith in a couple of emails then they need to seek professional help! To me- developing feelings for someone you're emailing is just as good as falling in love with a character in a book.

When did life become so busy that we have to turn to the internet to find a partner? When did society become so shy that we can't just walk up to a person and ask them for their number? Oh totally reminds me of what I actually came on here to tell you! 

Went to a work ting on Friday night and headed in to town... being the only gay friend seems to be quite novel with these people and I was forced to drag them all to the gay bar (why they couldn't go without me I'll never know)... anyway I got the number of this really cute guy David and were going to meet for coffee this week some time- so I will keep you updated!!

Hope you all had a fab weekend xo

First Sexual Encounter

So I figured I was getting a bit boring so I was chatting to my friend Woody about it and he said I should post about my first 'sexual experience'. I was thinking about it a little more and I can categorize this into two separate occasions (three if I wanted to count the time I first took it up the butt- and four if I count the first time I smashed a guys arse- haha fuck thats a disgusting way to describe it, Ive been around Joey too long!!!).

So I have slept with three girls in my short 21 years. Which was enough to know I was gay... Let me tell you! I think one would have sufficed but you know how sometimes you just have to double or, in my case, triple check to make sure. The funny thing about this is that I told Shaneinei about my blog the other week and now she reads it- We are both still close friends with the girl who stole my virginity. 

Ive known Kay since I was about 13 but we didn't really become friends until a year later. There was a whole group of us (I cbf making up names for everyone). Funnily enough I was the only guy which, to me was normal as hell. Didn't really come across that way to many of the other guys I went to school with. You would think that having only girl friends would be an early indicator that I was gay but Im not even entirely sure I knew what 'being gay' meant back then. So all of us became quite close -and as "cool underage teens" do- we used to drink together on the weekends. You know how every group of friends seems to have that one kid with the cool parents that would let a tribe of teens inhabit their come for the weekend and not blow a gasket if they all got drunk- Well we had Slam who lived with her grandparents. 

It had always been a secret dream of mine to lose my virginity before I was the legal age to do so (16 in this country)- on this fateful night- Kay and I had waaaaaay too much to drink and were making out by the pool- at one point I think I almost fell in (I'm almost 100% positive Shaneinei had to be helped out a few times). Anyway the whole ordeal was very clumsy. She had shaved her vag like a week prior so everything was very prickly- being a virgin she was also tight as a nuns cunt- I struggled to get inside even though for most of it doubt I was even hard enough to do any damage (I couldn't tell afterwards if this was because I was so drunk or the fact that I found vagina a huge turn off). We went at it for a good 30 minutes trying all different positions (mainly who ever felt the drunkest at the time got to be on the bottom)- There was a bit of moaning and heavy breathing from Kays end- I don't think it finished, more that we both kind of gave up. 5 mins after we had given up I was head in the toilet going for Africa (again not sure if it was drunkenness or disgust at the thought of my tongue in a vagina). I think we can both chalk the whole night up to being a big failure- I did get a nice SMS from her the next day saying she was glad it was me- I hope now she doesn't count it as her first time- If she does than i think I set the bar remarkably low for all of the guys to follow. 

Now on to my first ever encounter with a guy- I do vaguely remember playing doctor with a boy from up the road in primary- but at that age I don't think you can call it sex... more education. So my first ever experience with a guy- I am a little ashamed to say- was with a complete stranger. I didn't and will never know this guys name. It wasn't rape or anything like that. Quite the opposite- I was 16 at the time . I dont quite remember how I got this guys number but he was 27. At the time I didn't find this strange, but looking back it is a little pedo. Its also probably the reason most of the guys I got for now are close to that age range. Anyway- he didn't live in my home town but was 45 mins away. He was passing through one night at about the same time I was due to finish work (I was a supermarket bitch at the time). 

We SMS'd each other the whole time I was in work and decided on a place to go. It was some random park near a river one the way out of town that we both had to drive past to get to where we were heading anyway- So i drive up there in my poo brown ancient-as-fuck Pugeot 323 and hes already there waiting. 

I think I was the instigator of the whole thing once he jumped in my car- He tried to make small talk and in my excitement I just kind of blurted out (which I will never forget) "Are you going to take your pants off now?"- Well it didnt take him long to get the message. 

Keep in mind this was the first time- since the age of 5 at least that I had played with a cock that wasn't my own so I spent a good bit of time touching and examining. At 16 of course he was a lot bigger than me and I remember being shocked at how big it was. I just assumed that that was the standard size of a grown cock but thinking back now it was a good 8 inches long and one of the thickest ones I've wrapped my lips around. All of a sudden I found my hear between his legs trying to fit his monster in my mouth. I thought I was a bit of a pro at cock sucking at the time... Turns out I've learned a few things in my time. But the head I was giving for the first time must have been good because he came pretty soon. I don't know if it was instinct or shock but I swallowed the whole load as well. I had a bit of a chuckle to myself because I he then apologised for being so quick to which I said "I'm actually kinda stoked coz' my mouth was getting sore". (Funny thing is Ive now lost count of the amount of guys who have apologised for cumming to quickly- Yet I have never had that problem). 

It was then my turn and being so excited about the whole thing I almost came with him just undoing my pants! Luckily I manages to regain composure and hold of a lot longer than he did- the guy swallowed too which was good because it would have been hard to explain a mess in my car! Once he was done playing with my dick in his mouth he tried to start the whole small talk game again and I gave him the hurry up by saying "Yeah.... well I'm gonna go now... so..." It was kind of awkward because he didn't seem to get the hint at first. I remember getting nervous on the drive home that I would get there and my parents would smell cock all over me- I did make a conscious effort not to breathe too closely to them!

To this day I will never understand why people feel the need to make small talk before a booty call. You're not a fucking sales person- you don't have to build any kind of rapport to make a sale- If I showed up I showed up to get down not to talk about the weather and how my fucking day went. In fact, if its a booty call- my day is the last thing I want to talk about, which is why I want to have some uninhibited, no strings attached sex! 

Welcome to 'Le Bunt'

So this weekend started out pretty shit! Friday I woke up at 5 am to pink piss- I freaked out and googled 'pink urine'... turns out some food has a dye in it that can change your piss colour so I managed to calm myself... that was until I needed to go like 5 times in an hour. It then started to burn and I started pissing blood clots. I know What the Fuck? Right!! Turns our I had like some kind of bladder or kidney infection- fun times huh?

So basically had to stay home that day and clamp my jaw down on a piece of cardboard every time I had to pee which was like ever 15 minutes.

Saturday got a lot better though- there was a new bed for Paz in the garage under our house so we decided it was about time to move it into her room so she actually had something comfy to sleep on for a change. Theres all this other junk down there as well like a desk and a spare fridge etc when all of a sudden I get this bright idea to change our garage into a bar so all of saturday was spent buying shit for our new bar- we settled on the name 'le bunt' which is a loooong story I shall share with you another time. So we now have a shelf for spirits- a black board- a fridge- a blender- and seats- all thats left for us now is to either move the old couch down or we were thinking of going to a car scrap yard and getting old car seats and bolting them to frames. Oh and we're also getting a neon 'OPEN' sign- of this really cool bar sign with a stripper in a martini glass- and to make this day even more exciting I was able to piss normally again!!!

I was thinking about it the other day and I must get up to some more mischief so that I actually have something interesting to blog about!!

Hope youre all well xoxo

Work Emails

So funny story for you guys... This is a tale that to all should learn from!!! So when I got
my job as a manager I got a new work email address which I was excited about (I know... Geeky right?) so what's the first thong I do??? I txt my friends who work to he their work emails... So I start emailing my friend Shaneinei casually as for a few months and I get a few joke emails here and there which keepse entertained when I feel like doing fuck all. Anyway since then I have been moved to manage a different team and get a new email address. As part of this transition I had to train my replacement. I have to show her to how access her emails and ofcourse iv forgotten to tell all my friends my new address. I go to the in-box and there's a message from Shaneinei entitled "your first christmas card" - I jokingly explained to my replacemt that this was all I did all day and ... So I open this email expecting some kind of sweet email wishing me merry Xmas (albeit early) and I get a picture of some ripped hottie in undies and a Santa hat... Awkward!!!


Thankgod she is the kind of person who can take a joke

in other news- went to a local club last night that had a singing comp to support my friend Alana and THE cutest guy in the world won. he was so adorable like an amazing voice and he was hot plus he was a really sweet guy. I kind of melted every time he went on stage. He cried when he won (I love the sensitive types). I think I'm in love :S

hope you're all well xoxox

What a Weekend!

Had such a great weekend!

So Friday night starts off with an awards night for the 'industry' I work in- sounds kinds snobbish and boring right? Well- I got to finish at three and started drinking straight away. My date came round at about 4- Dizzy- shes so HOT! Shes like my height (6foot 2) and is a model from the UK. On top of that she has recently discovered her love for drinking so we were a well matched pair.

Anyway drinking as we were getting ready- Diz took a bit of time (as girls do) so I got drunkenly swinging on the stripper pole in the lounge for  a good 45 mins- Anyway she gets ready and we rock up to this cocktail bar in town where everyone from work is meeting before we go to the awards- Their reactions were priceless! They weren't talking very much anyway (bunch of boring cunts) anyway I open the door and me and Diz walk in arm in arm and they all turn and their Jaws drop! I LOVE HAVING HOT FRIENDS.

Anyway they all seem to scared to talk to us (mainly because of how smokin' Diz is) so we neck our drinks and wander to the awards alone. The awards themselves were boring but the MC was a famous comedian who I got to meet and have photos with- we then later harassed the shit out of him for not coming out clubbing with us.

Went out clubbing which was the same as usual... nothing much to report there.

Joey from my work stayed at my place that night FUNNIEST thing- I'm all drunk and strip down to my underwear to get comfy after being all dressed up for the awards- Joey Diz and I are pretty lax and have no problem being that naked around each other. About half an hour into us being home this guy that been stalking her for the past year tells her hes waiting down the street to make sure no one comes over to "fuck the shit out of her" (his words not mine).  Iv had runs ins with this guy before so I went mental in my drunken half naked state and pulled out a kitchen knife and sat outside waiting for his car to drive past so i could go out and slash his tires> I think he caught wind of this from Joey and didn't come down.  5 mins later Joey's booty call parks up and gets out (turns out HE WAS there to fuck the shit out of her). He was soooo sexy and here I am sitting on the front steps with a knife in my hand and later to find out my left nut was hanging out- Fuck I'm pure class!

Anyway long story short- Diz watched her first gay porn film that night and Joey and her booty call fucked all over our lounge and very loudly!!!

(this is the one we watched)

Saturday rolls along and I get a call from Rob asking me if I'm going out tonight- I was kinda horny and feeling dirty but was too hungover to go out so I told him to come and stay. This is where it got hot for me- He then tells me hes off to a Toga party at the gay bar in town and I ask if hes going to be wearing the Toga back to mine and he says yes. I then ask "Minus underwear?" and he gets all shy like he does and goes on about class and how its not classy- Just as I'm about to reply saying something along the lines of "who needs class with an ass like yours" he replies "But fuck it- its not like I'm a classy guy anyway". So he says to me "Ill slip them off when I get to your bedroom" (Already told him I would leave the door unlocked for him) and I was like "Fuck that- take them off in the taxi on your way over"

... Needless to say it didn't take very much convincing! 4 o'clock and up he rocks briefs in hand draped in a sheet. Was a GOOD night.

Then; since I seem to do everything backwards- Sunday naturally being the day of rest I went crazy on the gardens did some mad shopping and to top it all off went for the longest run I've done in about three years! Pretty please with me right now!

Tis all from me! Hope you're weekends were fabulous! xoxo

Home Alone

So it was my first night home alone the other night and normally I don't really get scared- But let me tell you! I felt like a fucking child again...

Okay so, i get home from work- feed the cat (which we taught to do high 5's) make some dinner watch some TV- head to my room at about 11. All of a sudden this fucking dog from up the road starts howling... I live on a quiet street so all I can hear is this dog. And it just keeps howling and howling. The more I listened to it the louder it seemed to get and the louder it seemed to get the more its sounded like a werewolf  (I'm talking that deep booming howl kinda shit!). You know how all that needs to happen some times is you think one scary thought and the seed is planted and your mind starts to think up all these crazy scenarios... THAT WAS ME!

So anyway this goes on for about half an hour no shit- then all of a sudden this loud screeching/screaming starts coming from somewhere in my gigantic house. It goes for about 30 seconds then stops. By this time my heart is pounding and Im breaking out into a cold sweat contemplating ringing my boss across the road and getting her to send her husband over. So i have quiet for about 5mins and I managed to convince myself that it was something outside... Just as I start to calm down it starts up again. 

I managed to grow a pair of balls and go see what the noise was (and by that I mean turn all the lights on in the house and do a lap with the broom for safety (don't ask me why I didn't grab one of the big kitchen knives)) So I get to the spare room to find the car torturing this poor bird. By the time I get there the bird is dead so I have to dispose of it... I've never had to do this before so I just dumped it in the garden. Feeling satisfied with my macho defend my territory attitude I head off to bed. I was up the next morning at 6 and go to feed the cat and what the fuck do I find. Not only is the bird corpse back inside but its now headless!!! I was almost sick!

In other news I had the coolest dream that I was a super hero the other night and I could fly and everything... i was like Hancocks sidekick or something and it was so crazy because we had like an actual mission we had to complete and everything and it ended like a to be continued!

Also  that guy I like that I was telling you all about who likes me back- From now on will be called 'Zane' was supposed to come round last night (his idea not mine) which got me a little excited coz end of the day I still like him- then I get a txt from him at like 10:30 all like "hey can we do it another night- Ive just finished rehearsal and Im really tired". To me thats a valid excuse I guess but you think he would have at least said before asking to hang out that he had rehearsal that night and wouldn't be done til' late. Just so Im not sitting there left to assume that Ive been forgotten.

Some days I think thank Christ Im into guys because girls seem so high maintenance and so hard to figure out- but Im slowly finding that some times the guys are just as bad if not worse!!