Guess Who Got Laid!!!?

Woohoo- and yes it was as angry and rough as I had anticipated. But to be honest I couldn't really give a fuck- I got what I wanted... I'm sure he got what we wanted and we managed to keep it quiet (always a bonus when there are peoples rooms adjoining 2 of my four walls). 

Work sucked just as much as I thought it would today. We have stopped doing the missing persons reports for Christchurch and another center has taken it over which is good news for us- I think it was starting to take its toll on a lot of our staff... But then just when I thought all the stress in my life was over with a big fuck more shit seems to hit the fan:

• My car needs to be registered
• To register my car it needs to pass its Warrant Of Fitness
• Its warrant has been expired for about 1 month
• The washing machine has broken
• Im pretty sure I missed my doctors appointment
• Im almost 100% sure I made the appointment in my sleep
• Spent the whole of Sunday cleaning and gardening today for our house inspection
• Bought a $200 vacuum cleaner and a $200 lawn mower to help with the cleaning
• I couldn't make it to the inspection because I had to work
• The landlords handed us 1 months notice to move out

All in all a shitty few weeks... In other news I'm thinking of starting to Vlog. I have fallen in love with otherijustine and Toby Turner and they make me want to vlog. But I'm also having one of those downer buzzez where I don't have many followers and I feel like I'm talking to one or two people- I hate to feel like a shameless self promoter but part of this blog was to meet new people and I feel like I haven't met anyone in a while SO if you have a blog and you like to read mine... heck you don't even need to like it... or read it- Rephrase that- if you know how to get to my blog or have just stumbled upon it by some kind of happy coincidence please post a link on your page- if you let me know I would be more than happy to do the same for you :D

Also you may have seen the link to Best Male Blogs over there >>>>> if you do read please go and vote for me :D

I'm okay!

Hi guys- I have received a couple of emails asking if I am okay since you haven't heard from me since disaster struck two days ago.

The day of the Christchurch earthquake will be one which resonates in the minds of all Kiwis both here and abroad for a long time after. The news have been covering the total devastation non stop for three days now- it's times like this though that I wish news stations only presented us with the facts. 

Campbell Live last night did many stories both happy and sad- I wish they could understand that people like me don't want these sad stories which have been over embellished to make the show seem as though it has a heart... and that it understands what these people are going through. Give me the FACTS!!

As most of you know I work in a Call Center- being that the Christchurch City Council Call Center that would normally handle minor distressful situations (which is only 12 seats) is unable to be opened- we have had the calls diverted to us- After only 4 hours sleep (I was wide awake the night and stupidly decided a run at 3am would zap sufficient amounts of my energy) I was woken up and told to come in to work straight away. The beginning was just calls seeking information on welfare points and water availability then later in the afternoon we started to take the over-flow from the Missing Persons Center- 11 hours later I was sent home for three hours to sleep which of course I less than capable of doing with my mind racing at 100 miles an hour then back in to work at 9pm with $100 worth of Red Bull, V and chocolate and I worked through until 7:30 am this morning. In this shift, the missing persons calls came flooding in- some genuine like the man looking for his wife and children who had been in the CTV building to some less genuine calls from international reporters wanting to the the "scoop" or someones great uncles sister who is ringing on behalf of her brother from England who wants to know if 'Susan Smith' is okay (NOT a real query just a made up name) because they know that she lives in New Zealand but they are not sure where because the last time they spoke to her was Christmas Day 2005. There was some happy calls of people who called in to say that people they had reported missing had been found- but then we also got a few where people were found but they were not alive.

I am blown away but the attitudes of the people who were here taking these calls with me- throughout all of the distress and sadness they managed to keep positive and get the job done- We have had people volunteering for this left-right and center from strangers to ex staff of ours and all who are more than happy to help where they can  for as long as we need them and I think times like this- these people are testament to the Kiwi culture and how we are all there for one another. We may argue and fight amongst ourselves over trivial matters but we band together where it counts the most and that is why I love this country... It's a shame that sometimes it take such a disaster for a country to show its true colors.

Pent Up Anger+Pent Up Sexual Frustration

I feel sorry for the next person I have sex with- Seriously- I have that much pent up anger and that much sperm in stores that its basically going to be the loudest angriest roughest fuck of all time.

No bastard will hire me still. Iv been considering going in to prostitution... Its basically against everything I stand for but A) its legal here and B) I am really THAT desperate for a new job. Also I guess it would kind of kill two birds with one stone in my case. I get loads of sex- all the angry sex i could want AND I get paid to do it.

I cant remember if I told you about the argument I had with my boss a couple of weeks back. Basically she tried to discipline me for something that I was had 0 involvement in and in the meeting we had- she started getting quite heated. More yelling at DR woo hoo she even went so far as to swear at me. Keep in mind this is the nice boss who wouldn't hurt a fly but basically in this place 'shit rolls down hill' and it hits you hard and fast. I took this chance to basically vent my frustrations about the crappy company and her as a shitty boss... Needless to say- she barely speaks to me now.

To be honest- everything I said to here was not out of exasperation and it wasn't anything I regret saying... Basically she was given her promotion because she lied and cheated to make herself look the best, whether or not staff are allowed to do certain things is totally dependent on her mood and she dances around the answer to any question because she can't answer anything because she has no fucking clue what she is doing. I told her all of this- not once did she deny anything and not once did she form any kind of rebuttal to my argument.

The stupid thing is she has gone all childish about the whole thing and is ignoring me- she has also cut me and Joey from Facebook (something I wouldn't have ever known if Joey hadn't told me since I don't actually put much stock in the site) but she has also had a bitch to her husband about it and now every time he calls for her and I answer I have to put up with his rudeness. 

I think this whole incident  has taught me a lot about character and how not to judge a book by its cover... Because at the end of the day- your friend will be willing to screw you if it means they get to look good. 

Anyway its been like 3 weeks since I've had a shag and I was thinking about it just before and I haven't had a decent pash in a while either... Whats going on with me- I have changed. I seem to have replaced my alcohol and sex fueled nights with running and gardening of all things... I don't like who I'm turning in to. I'm scared of being bored- I even applied for a job at a bank... A BANK FOR FUCK SAKE! I couldn't think of anything more boring!!!  

So I have another bone to pick also... Joey whom I love dearly is kinda seeing this guy whom I hate with a passion. Before she moved in here I told her that I didn't want him coming around since I have seen and heard about the way he treats her and I don't like it at all. So she moved in and he started coming over any way. I figured I would let this one slide since she probably just wanted a familiar face or something I dunno... Pre-cursor to this story- we were drinking one night at my place before she moved in and he rings her non stop to abuse her "You're just a fucking slut" "You're worthless" "I'm going to smash Kane" (her ex) and basically accusing her of being a whore some how I get dragged into this some guy he has NEVER met "Im getting sick of that DR faggot too". WTF? Dude A)I have never even met you B)Shes not your property let alone your girlfriend C)Go and hang yourself you pedophile (shes only 19 and hes in his 30's) The funny thing is he is nothing but nice to my face but I have been dragged into their arguments a couple of times now and he says some pretty nasty shit. OH P.S. the fucking loser lives with his ex girlfriend and THEIR daughter... Okay so Joey is a complete fuckwitt for even considering anything with this guy but she never listens to advice to I would rather just let her fuck up and learn from her own mistakes. 

So anyway I hear them argue all the time through the walls because our rooms are next to each other. I'm slowly getting to the end of my rope and the next time they argue I am going to tell her that I don't want him around here. A couple of weeks back me and Aunty Cole got sooooo fucking high and Joey and Pedo got so loud with their arguing that neither of us could tell if it was arguing or really rough sex. Basically the whole flat hates him coming over ... basically the whole flat hates him full stop. Pretty soon I'm sure the whole flat will hate her for brining him over. I am definitely planting that seed because she doesn't seem to get that it makes us all uncomfortable to seem him treat her like that. If he is here I have resolved to be cold and do anything short of ignore her and then when hes not around I'm friendly.  Aside from not wanting her to see him for her own sake- This is my house and I shouldn't be made to feel so uncomfortable in my own house. If he payed rent here guaranteed I would have moved out a long time ago but he doesn't so I feel I have every right to tell her that I don't want him here. If it boils down to it, I don't really care if that means her having to move out. If she is going to pick some scummy cunt over a friend that actually cares than thats her own doing- am I right?

Normally a good rant would make me feel better about stuff but now I just feel even angrier...

How To Lower Your Petrol Prices

So Below is an email I got from this lady I work with who insists on sending me at least four pointless joke emails a day and I only let her keep doing it because she has no life and I feel sorry for her.  Todays email was a little different in that it actually bought up a pretty good point- to my surprise. I did however feel kind of let down by the fact that it ended with one of those "Send this to 1 billion people and you will get lots and lots of sex" kind of deals because it would have otherwise been a half decent proposal.  Consider the below email for me and let me know what you think. Personally I think it is a great idea (only I took out the bullshit at the end for your benefit-fuck Im good to you!). THIS IS NOT THE 'DON'T BUY' PETROL FOR ONE DAY, BUT IT WILL SHOW YOU HOW WE CAN GET PETROL BACK DOWN TO $1.00 PER Litre.... This was originally sent by Phillip Hollsworth, a retired Coca Colaexecutive. If you are tired of the gas prices going up AND they will continue to rise this winter, take time to read this, PLEASE.  Phillip offered this good idea.This makes MUCH MORE SENSE than the 'don't buy petrol on a certain day' campaign that was going around last April or May! It is worth your consideration. Join the resistance!!!! We are going to hit $ 2.00 a litre and it might go higher!! Want petrol prices to come down? We need to take some intelligent, united action. The oil companies just laughed at last year’s action because they knew we would not continue to 'hurt' ourselves by refusing to buy petrol.  It was more of an inconvenience to us than it was a problem for them.  BUT whoever thought of this idea, has come up with a plan that can really work. Please read on and join with us! By now, you're probably thinking petrol priced at about $1.50 is cheap. It is currently $1.90 for regular unleaded. Now that the oil companies and the OPEC nations have conditioned us to think that the cost of a liter of gas is CHEAP at $1.50, we need to take aggressive action to teach them that BUYERS control the market place...not sellers. With the price of gasoline going up more each day, we consumers need to take action. The only way we are going to see the price of petrol come down is if we hit someone in the pocketbook by not purchasing their petrol! And, we can do that WITHOUT hurting ourselves. How? Since we all rely on our cars, we can't just stop buying petrol. But we CAN have an impact on petrol prices if we all act together to force a price war. Here's the idea: For the rest of this year, DON'T purchase ANY petrol from  BP the biggest price-up driver company. If they are not selling any petrol, they will be inclined to reduce their prices. If they reduce their prices, the other companies will have to follow suit. But to have an impact, we need to reach literally millions of BP petrol buyers. It's SO simple!

My Celebrity Crush

So I have had to think about this quite a lot as there as SO many celebrities that I would love to fuck- and not just because theyre famous- mainly because I find them sexy as hell!

So I have managed to compile this list for you- some of which i think will surprise you:

5.Quite obviously one Mr Jay Brannan- I have had more of a thing for him since I saw him take a cock in the movie Short Bus. 

4. Im not sure if you have ever seen the movie 'In the Land of Women' but it is basically the sole reason I have put Adam Brody as my number 4. Admittedly I have a thing for preppy, slightly geekish kind of guys and I think Adam has the perfect combination of preppy, geeky and sexy all rolled into one.

3. Elisha Cuthbert SURPRISE- I actually surprised myself when I came to the conclusion that I would definitely play hide the sausage with her. This only came about from watching one of my all time favorite hangover movies 'The Girl Next Door'.

TOTAL COINCIDENCE I FOUND THIS PHOTO

2. The film 'Black Swan' basically confirmed what I originally thought from watching 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall' - MILA KUNIS is one sexy bitch

1.This I found came as a BIG surprise to even me. When I first watched Gossip Girl I thought that Chuck sickened me a little but Ed Westwick is a total babe!

Straight Crush

Totally a coincidence that this video was posted a few hours after I did my last post. I like what he has to say and agree with him 100% - Yes it does suck but its reality and reality does suck some times... I'm chalking it up to shit happens! Also as much as I am sure you would all like a juicy story about how I managed to seduce him and subsequently get his straight cock in my mouth... Its not going to happen. Sorry to disappoint :D

Went for the first run in like a week and a half tonight- I was actually good managed to run the whole way without blowing too hard. The fun thing was I got to take Aunty Coles dog Daxter with me. Doesnt sound so novel right? and you are probably wondering what the excitement is about it... Hes just so adorable to watch. Basically hes 80% blind and I run at night time so every time we run into a shadow he loses all sense of direction and cuts me off. For the most part hes just adorable because AC has taught him to carry his leash and crap bags. He took a big dump like 2 mins in so being the responsible neighbor I cleaned it up and got him to carry it (Im mean youre fucking deluded if you think Im going to run with a bag of shit for 3k's) and he just trots along the rest of the way with the bag attached to his leash looking so proud of himself. 

Fuck that reminds me- totally left it sitting outside the front door!

Gotta fly

love,

me xo

10 Things

Reasons I'm Crushing On YOU!

1. Your gorgeous smile
2. The amazing color of your eyes
3. The fact that you are always happy
4. You know how to laugh
5. More importantly- you know how to laugh at yourself
6. Your body (and how all of your clothes seem to fit to perfection)
7. That you told me I was the coolest person here
8. You don't judge others... unless its necessary
9. Your loud and somewhat obnoxious laugh
10. Because I know I can't have you

So there is this guy at work- You know how every now and then you see someone who is hot and you pray to god that they have a shit personality or some sort of STD because it seems a crime for any one person to be that heart stoppingly gorgeous- Yeah he is one of them... only to add insult to injury he has the most amazing personality I have ever encountered. Admittedly I am very shallow and superficial when it comes to who I like but this guy- I know to some degree of absolute certainty I would still have some kind of crush on him even if he was ugly. 

Its almost like being around him is an addiction.

Of course he is straight! He also has a girlfriend who might I add, is not all that attractive. I can't decide if the ugly girl loses him points for having poor taste or triples the ones he has because he is obviously in it for her personality which means he isn't shallow?

His last day at work is next Wednesday and I think I will find work just that little bit more unbearable once he is gone... 

DESPERATE

Dear prospective employer,

It has recently been brought to my attention that you may be having some reservations about employing me.

Sleep easy friend! This letter is here to expel any doubt from your tiny brain. In fact, by the end of this letter I would not be surprised if I have you questioning your own decision making capabilities. I implore you, dear friend, not to feel bad for not hiring me already- it is an easy mistake to make... however one that should only be made once! There are three key factors which I believe (quite emphatically) set me apart from every other Joe looking for a job.

Number Uno:

I am SO desperate for a job that I will work long hours and not complain. Make me your bitch- have me up all hours of the night running your errands, typing up your reports, ANYTHING. I am somewhat desperate and willing. 

Number Dos:

I am willing to take a pay cut. At this point I am happy if my wages only cover my rent and food expenses. Im not sure if you are quite grasping just how desperate I am... Let me put this into perspective for you; Most employees are looking for $45,000+ per annum- I spend $60 a week on groceries and $140 on rent... this means that in a whole year I am spending  $10,400 on necessities. I can undercut any applicant by a good $30,000 a year.

Number Three:

In lieu of a bonus structure/incentives scheme I would be more than happy to perform sexual favors. You are 82 and I am 22 - there is a good 60 year between us... lets face it I am the best you are going to get. Are you beginning to fully understand how desperate I am?  

Now that you are clear on just how serious I am about filling this vacancy I have taken the liberty of clearing my schedule for the remainder of this week for training and induction. 

I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for considering me for this position and I look forward to working with you.

Love always,

DR 

So I came home from a night out last night with a big hickey on my neck and I have no recollection of getting one... and also have not even an inkling of who may have given it to me... I hope he was hot!