DESPERATE

Dear prospective employer,

It has recently been brought to my attention that you may be having some reservations about employing me.

Sleep easy friend! This letter is here to expel any doubt from your tiny brain. In fact, by the end of this letter I would not be surprised if I have you questioning your own decision making capabilities. I implore you, dear friend, not to feel bad for not hiring me already- it is an easy mistake to make... however one that should only be made once! There are three key factors which I believe (quite emphatically) set me apart from every other Joe looking for a job.

Number Uno:

I am SO desperate for a job that I will work long hours and not complain. Make me your bitch- have me up all hours of the night running your errands, typing up your reports, ANYTHING. I am somewhat desperate and willing. 

Number Dos:

I am willing to take a pay cut. At this point I am happy if my wages only cover my rent and food expenses. Im not sure if you are quite grasping just how desperate I am... Let me put this into perspective for you; Most employees are looking for $45,000+ per annum- I spend $60 a week on groceries and $140 on rent... this means that in a whole year I am spending  $10,400 on necessities. I can undercut any applicant by a good $30,000 a year.

Number Three:

In lieu of a bonus structure/incentives scheme I would be more than happy to perform sexual favors. You are 82 and I am 22 - there is a good 60 year between us... lets face it I am the best you are going to get. Are you beginning to fully understand how desperate I am?  

Now that you are clear on just how serious I am about filling this vacancy I have taken the liberty of clearing my schedule for the remainder of this week for training and induction. 

I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for considering me for this position and I look forward to working with you.

Love always,

DR 

So I came home from a night out last night with a big hickey on my neck and I have no recollection of getting one... and also have not even an inkling of who may have given it to me... I hope he was hot!

Go Fuck Yourself!

Sorry guys! I have been meaning to post again but I am away for a long weekend and haven't really had a chance too because I have been catching up with my family which has been nice- I have made the decision to make more of an effort this year at keeping in touch with old acquaintances, friends and family.

So you are probably wondering about the title of this post... Well it starts off like this:

Before X-Mas last year I found this AMAZING sounding job that I thought I was perfect for. I spent three weeks working closely with my old boss (who has not only had a hand in recruitment but also has a husband who works for a recruitment agency) constructing the perfect CV coupled with the perfect cover letter. Never before had I put so much effort into one document; not even if it meant passing or failing a paper at Uni. so I think you can kind see how serious I was about this job.

Finally half way through my first week back and I get the go ahead from JB to send in my masterpiece. I get it in two days before the applications officially close so I have a minimum four day wait (weekend in between) to see if I even get a foot in the door. 1 week and 1 day later and I get a letter in the mail- something along the lines of:

"Dear DawnRave,

Thank you for your application for the position of Marketing and Communications Position. Unfortunately we will not be requiring you to come in for an interview. We chose to send you this via letter as we are not up with technology enough to send you an email and we are too chicken shit to phone you and tell you ourselves. 

Enclosed you will find some pamphlets on our organisation for your perusal so that you can see all that you are missing out on because we honestly dont think you are good enough to work for us (hence the reason you did not get an interview).

Best wishes for all of your future endeavors,

The cunts form the place youre to crap to work for"

Basically the "Go Fuck Yourself" was aimed at this shitty place... not because they didnt hire me, or even interview me of that matter. The "Go Fuck Yourself" is because they had the audacity to stuff the envelope full of propaganda for their place- leaflets about whats on and what they do etc etc. To me I find that the height of corporate rudeness. Its like saying "We dont want you but come and visit us anyway" or better still "Youre not wanted here but youre so pathetic that you will still probably want to come and visit in the hopes of running into someone from recruitment and try begging them for a chance"

Basically I hate this place now for that simple fact... I know that is probably now how they intended this to be perceived but like it or not that how it was. So my next move from here is to hold my head high and keep applying for as many jobs as I can find. This may even mean moving, which I think is kinda sad because I really love where Im living and this shitty city is kind of growing on me now... but what I also plan to do is anonymously fuck said companies whole social media campaign since its not done properly and is in violation of the terms of the platform they are using. If the platform doesn't close it down as they should when i notify them then I will send said company an email pointing out their fuck up and the fact that the person they are paying to do this job (i.e. the she bitch that wouldnt give me an interview) is basically being paid for nothing and needs to be fired or demoted and also point out that by not hiring me they made possibly the biggest mistake of their lives... and they when they beg me to come and work for them I will simply send them a letter similar to the one they sent me and stuff it with a flyer that maps out my plans for the next few months and see how they like it....

Rant over and I needa go- MamaRave needs needs to use the computer.

Love

Me

xo