Bring on 2011

Hey sexy readers. Just a quick message to let you know I'm still alive have been camping for Xmas an new years and have only just found Internet!!! Will be home soon to catch you all up ony shenanigans! Hope all ur xmases were amazing and ur planning a reckless new years! Live it up drink it down:D

xo

Something I HATE

Im a HUGE YouTube addict and I came across this video today which actually made me angry- Angry enough to illicit a response from me! I have gay friends yes- but i hate evangelical gays (much the same as I hate evangelical Christians). I dont get along with gays but I shouldnt be chastised for having these feelings- much the same as I dont believe I should be ridiculed for being gay or black people should be abused for the color of their skin... and the list goes on.

My Email Response:

This is the first video i have ever disliked.

I dont like gays and I am gay. I dont go out to gay bars and flaunt my dislike for gays and there is a good reason for that. A lot of the gays in my "community" don't do anything to improve peoples stereotypical perception of the community as a whole and yet they are quite happy to bitch and moan about gay hate and homophobia. A lot profess to be more than just gay but do nothing to actually BE more than simply gay- gay is simply a sexual preference it is not a personality trait and shouldnt be treated as such.

Its interesting to note that sex and being at a gay bar are almost linked in this video (no I realise they are not directly or outrightly linked- but the implication of having the two listed one after the other is still there and creates the association).

My ex boyfriend was the first person to introduce me to the whole "gay scene" and I knew from the outset that this was not the kind of "scene" I wanted to be involved in nor are these the kind of people that I want to associate myself with- this does not make me a homophobe- This makes me selective- The same would have occurred if he had introduced me to a community of drug users (in some cases the two are linked).

Yes I fuck guys because I enjoy it that doesnt make me a hypocrite! If I were straight and I didnt like one particular type of girl - say I didnt like blondes because I thought they were shallow and self absorbed (not the case but just for arguments sake) Im still straight and Im not trying to skew the light I feel I am portrayed in and Im still having sex with girls- Im not labelled anything- its the same principal in this situation. So why then is it such a terrible thing for gay men not to like other gay men?

You say that I am self loathing and insecure- Since I came out I have never been more confident or sure of myself- I dont pretend to be something I am not- I dont pretend to be one of they gays that I would rather avoid nor do I pretend to be straight- If ever I am asked about my sexuality I am 100% truthful and 100% proud to be who I am. The key word there being I- I am proud of the person I have become since coming out- I am simply me and no one else- I should not feel penalized by evangelical gays for not welcoming the community with open arms.

Yes I agree that going to a gay bar to bitch about how much you hate gays seems to be a BIG contradiction and is more than likely a reflection of this persons insecurities- I just wanted to make sure you know that not ALL gays who dont like gays are like that.

Making Plans

As a recent graduate I get asked with monotinous regularity what I want to do with my life... The more I am asked this the more I find myself asking the same question... What do I want to do with my life?

When I was 5 I wanted to be in the Army

By the time I was 10 I wanted to work with horses

At the age of 13 I wanted to be an architect

Four years later I wanted to be a graphic designer

Now Im 21 and Im not sure of anything!

Experience has taught me I get bored easily and I like to change my mind often and at random.

This time last week I decided that I didnt hate my job so much and was thinking of staying a bit longer but today I loathe it and cant wait to find another.... But what kind of job do I want?

Advertising sounds cool... so does PR or working in the communications sector..... Journalism or web development have even started to grow on me. But different days and moods seem to dictate where I want to be!

I have been obsessed with Gilmore Girls over the last few weeks and have now decided I am jealous of how organised Rory is and how she knows exactly what she wants to be doing with her life after study- Rory wants to be a journalist (which could explain my recent fascination). It makes me wonder- and I know its only a soap- but is it even humanly possible to pick a profession and know that it is the right thing for you, for life?

I will never forget the worst bit of career advice I was ever given tome by one of my teachers; "People change their careers all the time- don't stress over what you think you should be doing for the rest of your life at your age" keep in mind that I was an impressionable 17 year old at the time.... Some times I like to blame this teacher for the lax attitude I have towards planning the next step in my life.

Ofcourse it matters what I want to do with my life! I should have started planning this a long time ago- sure I wouldnt be earning the money I am at the moment but I would probably be somewhere that I actually enjoy- thanks to my crap attitude and poor planning skills I have no idea what that is!

The only thing I seem to be sure of is the fact that I want to travel!

South America here I come! So I was asked in an older post where in Sth Am I would like to visit- here is my plan:

Brazil:

Start in Rio de Janeiro

Pantanal via Campo Grande

Ecuador:

Quito and the market in Otavalo

Galapagos Islands

Peru:

Iquitos to see the Amazon

Lima

Cuzco

Inca Trail and Machu Picchu

Lake Titicaca (Peru side)

Colca Canyon

Chile:

San Pedro de Atacama

Santiago

Easter Island 

Valparaiso and Vina del Mar

Argentina:

Mendoza and skiing in Las Lenas

Buenos Aires

Iquazu Falls (Brazil side too if possible)

End in Buenos Aires for flight to the US to visit friends in Utah and Washington

The WORST date in HISTORY

So I had my second date with Azza today and it was THE single most crap date I have ever been on in my whole entire life!!!! I kind of cant be bothered to type it all so I thought I would give you a copy of my Facebook chat to my friend Jai (who I had a thing with once a while ago)- NB Jai has a hary ass and I would never go "there" again- but he is a really good friend now...

ME: so the date was a otal awkward nightmare!

JAI: omg

ME: total*

JAI: I was just thinking of u lol

ahaha

What happened?

do tell!

ME: aw I bet ur were you little mynx lol

well I was hungover when we best right so my percetion was already fucked but he picked my up and gave me this real awkward hug that was inappropriately tight

then we got to dinner and he was boring as hell so I had to force conversation the whole time

JAI: I need a full name.

ME: then when we had finished dinner the waitress brings over a plate of chocolate and shes like "this is from Thai and Jarred" or what ever Thais partner is called and Im like OMG super awkward- I dont even know these people (they were hi friends Thai was the one who got Diane from my work to set us up)

and the poor waitress looked so awkward

then I made up some bulshit excuse about how I had to help the neighbor wrap xmas presents tonight so that the date would be cut short

JAI: LMFAO!

ME: he drops me home and I thought I had escaped without another awkward and kinda gross hug I got two feet away from the car and he was like

JAI: awwwwwkward turtle!

ME: "I wanna give you a hug"

this was at the end of my drivewy and IM thinking I dont want all the neighbors to see so I was like "ok you can walk me to the door"

we get there and yet another anavoidable shitty hug and he goes in for a kiss on the cheek and then somehow scrambled his way to my lips and im like in totaly shock- too shocked to move

it was honestly like kissing a fish

JAI: omg fullname place

please*

I wont tell!

ME:so I kinda pride myself on being good at kissing (most of the time)

im not finished

lol

so I try to make the most out of a shit situation and see if I can illicit some kind of decent kiss out of him and I got NOTHING he was so gross

when he left i ran inside to my bathrrom and brushed my whole mouth out and changed my shirt immediately to get the smell off him

then i get a txt like half an hour later "wow that was amazing. I had a really nice time tonight I hope you did too. I cant wait until tuesday"

now I have to make up some excuse about not seeing him on tuesday coz I kinda till feel gross

ME: his name is Azza Something

JAI: ewww

u can do much better

ME: lol I think I only did it to get Dee off my back coz she wouldnt stop going on about him

on a positive there was a cute waiter working at the restaurant so i had something nice to look at

I still feel really gross though

but thanks for thinking I can do better lol

JAI: ya u can

x100

he looks uhh

ME: lol

JAI: boring!

OMG OMG

ME: FUCK he was boring as hell

AND so concludes another interesting chapter of my life- How could I have ever thought he was so amazing??? Was I drunk for the last two weeks?!!! WHAT WAS I THINKING!!!

FUCK IT

I had this whole post written and basically ready to publish and then what the fuck happens "Internet Explorer has encountered a problem and has to close- we are sorry for any inconvenience" Like fuck they are sorry- am I the only one who gets angry at the automatic messages that apologise for fuckups?

Basically I had my travel plans all mapped out and I was going to end with a link to the two artist I want to see live while Im in America but instead now you get a YouTube video :D

I love Julia Nunes

and I want to have lots and lots of dirty sex with Jay Brannan

I NEED to see them live! I have a totally boy crush on Julia- if I was straight I would totally want her.... I think even if I was straight I would want Jay

3 Days, 3 Dates, 3 Gays

Okay so lets fill you all in. 

Just got in from a coffee date with David... Iv decided he was a lot more fun when I was drunk... He's religious which I dont actually have a problem with. The funny thing was, going into this date I thought that the one thing that would let us down would be that he was religious. Turns out we just dont really have too much in common and I dont find him very interesting to talk to. I think he got the hint that I was bored when I kept looking out the window. I feel kind of horrible now because at the time I didnt realise I was doing it- or how rude it actually was. but there you go! My subconscious even had something to say about the whole affair.

Okay moving on to Zane who I met up with the other day- I have known him the longest out of the three and he is a really sweet guy but I find him a bit full on at times. I haven't yet decided if that was simply nerves or if hes actually that wired ALL THE TIME. I could see a future with him though being that he is actually very interesting to talk to and hes hot. Im talking Adam Lambert hot (I think thats mainly the haircut). Yet another surprise here about why we cant or probably wont end up being together.... He applied for a job where I work today. Okay doesn't sound like a big deal right? WRONG! If he does get the job I will be his boss- I dont think Im mature enough to deal with that kind of responsibility for starters but also I am going to find it hard enough being his boss (should he get the job) just because we are friends ... and have fooled around. Also- in my job everyone goes through and eight week probation- basically if you dont meet the standards required by the end of it you are out. Imagine having to fire your own boyfriend. Forget about worrying that youre his boss but now you have to tell him he no longer has a job!

Then we come to Azza- the blind date. You know where you have those moments where you think "I met my future husband today"... kinda like  that (okay maybe not THAT serious but he is SUPER SUPER sweet) only I think Im scaring myself out of taking it seriously with him because he is too nice- is there such a thing as too nice?... Our first date he told me I have " the cutest smile" and "most gorgeous eyes"- Sweet right?  Me being me with a combinations of shock and hungoverness just kind of thanked him. But does anyone else find it a bit full on that Im getting told this on a first date? Also I set the bar quite low on that date because I was hungover as fuck and not looking at all my best! 

...Okay so I like him a lot and Im probably over analysing the situation. But after the shit that I have been through with crappy guys I prefer to err on the side of caution. I worry that by doing this though I risk putting him off by seeming not interested? I think Im going to send Woody a message- we have this deal (because we both know we tend to over analyse things) that if we are ever in a panic to email the other one and be the voice of reason. 

Okay so this kind of turned into a rant but I kinda got myself into a panic about it the more I wrote- Breathe.... breathe.... breathe.....

....And we're still a little panicked but better.

Okay so if you got lost in all of that basically on a scale of 1-3 we have Azza coming in a solid 1st place, Zane- a close second and trailing in third David...

Dont you worry there will be more to come next Sunday- Azza and I are going out for dinner... wish me luck xo

Fucking Telemarketers

So we all get them- those calls that interrupt your dinner from strangers who you just know are trying to sell you something or get you to answer questions about something you couldn't actually give two shits about.

Well heres the inside scoop! I work in a call center which rings people to get donations for charities. We are the people everyone loves to hate.... and to be fair- I hate us too. But what do you do when you get one? Are you a yeller? are you a polite listener? do you let us down gently? 

TIP 1- 

Me personally- if I know for sure I'm not interested- I hang up straight away. In my experience I prefer the people who hang up on me... Most people feel bad about doing this but not only do you avoid a lengthy conversation about the weather and your plans for a weekend but the person calling would probably prefer it if you keep the rejection quick and to the point.

TIP 2- 

If you say no they WILL come back at you. Most people that do this hate this part of the job so go easy. 

One thing that really shits me is when people say "Did you not just hear me?" or the "Do you not understand what I am saying?" I hear you bitch... I just don't care! Basically this is the "selling" part of the job- they will give you what is known as 'Features and Benefits' The whole point behind these is to present your reason for not buying something or doing what ever they want you to do in a different light with reasons on how they can still achieve the same outcome - i.e. you donating in our case- but make it easier for you. The best thing to do in this situation is to simply say "I'm not interested" don't make up excuses- we can all tell when you are lying (we speak to hundreds of people every day trust me we can tell). The more excuses you give the more selling points they will be able to use. Less IS more in your case!

TIP 3-

The aim of the calling game is to take control of the call most telemarketers will in training be told to "Be assertive". Dont let them. Get them on the back foot by talking a little louder than you normally would. Dont confuse this with yelling - yelling just makes us angry and we will probably go to great lengths to piss you off just for the hell of it. Loud=strong, assertive, domineering. If you have children and you want them to do something that they dont want to do you raise your voice dont you? Same thing here!

TIP 4-

Be too nice! A lot of people find it hard in this job to push people into things if they're super nice. In my case- if I make friends with the person I call I feel bad about trying to get money out of them for a cause they've never heard of and probably don't care about. 

TIP 5- 

If the person is lucky enough to sucker you in- use silence to your advantage. Awkward silence is your friend. I always use this to get higher donations out of people. Basically the trick is you present the person with the different values starting highest and going down. In my case I have 5 different values but will only tell you about 3 of them- you guessed it the highest three. Not a lie; an omission! When i get to the 3rd one I stop and wait for a response- you are probably waiting for me to give you a lower amount but I am using the silence to my advantage. Most people I call hate awkward silence and are quick to fill it. This can work for you as well- most callers hate awkward silence- if they do have any backups or deals they can give you they will be quick to tell you about them rather than risk losing a deal.

TIP 6-

Want to have a bit of fun? Piss off the person calling you? Forget their name. Find something very similar and start using that. Better yet find something that sounds nothing like it and use that! I work with one lady who's name is Andrea and every day she gets something new, it really pisses her off. 

On top of this if you do want to listen to the whole call ask as many questions you can- hammer them and really test their knowledge make sure they're really earning their money!

This weekend has been AMAZING- a 9.5 on a scale of 1-10!!! Day at the races on Saturday- drinking from 11 to 11. I love to dress up fancy and even did my hair real classic like- debonair is how I would describe me! Managed to cut my foot deep and forget how it happened! Sunday (today) had a date with Azza... yes there is yet another guy! This one I was set up through a woman at work... you remember Dee- well her. Azza is really cute and told me I had the cutest smile and gorgeous eyes... possibly a bit full on for my liking but possibly the SWEETEST guy I have ever met- a little nervous but in a cute way! So watch this space!

My Coming Out Story

So I guess this is the full version. I cant remember how much i have already told you all about my coming out story and I cant be bothered to go back and find out so this is the full version...

Okay so while I was at school I was working part time as a checkout bitch at a supermarket. I had slept with a few more guys at this point (since the random in the car) and I was getting more and more bold with approaching people- and by this I mean I was still chicken shit but I would actually do something rather than nothing.

Anyway I had noticed this guy a couple of weeks before- Remember Im from a small town so you notice the ones who arent from there. Anyway he came in almost every day that I worked and always looked at me more than what I felt was normal. So this went on for a couple of weeks until one night- my last night ever working there- and I was in a crazy mood. He came thought and bought what ever and I saw him about to come up to my friends checkout so before he got there I rushed to the office to find a pen and paper and quickly scribbled my number down on it. Walked out just as he was getting served to I casually strolled over (thinking now it was more of a power walk so I didnt miss my opportunity). 

Youre probably all thinking by now how brave I am to be giving out my number to a guy surrounded by people when Im not even out yet- or 100% sure that he is gay.... Well stop coz thats not how it happened  :) I walked up to his check out and started packing his groceries- you guessed it I slipped my number in the bag! I kind of half expected him to lose the number- I mean lets be honest- who is that thorough when they empty their groceries? But funnily enough I got a SMS about 5 minutes after he had walked out the door asking who I was and why my number was in his bag.

Not wanting to bull shit I told him exactly who I was and just out asked if he was gay- to which he replied yes. I remember saying some thing like "I knew you looked at me longer that any normal straight guy would!" (since I was 17 and seemed to think I had infinite wisdom on being gay). Basically we started seeing each other from that point on... for about 3 days. I dont even class him as a boyfriend because it was that short. His story was that he was visiting his dad for a few weeks and had to head home. At the end of three days I was kind fo glad though- his voice got kind annoying and his name was brad and he kept referring to himself as "B-Rad". 

Anyway the whole reason i ended up coming out was because I was sating at my friend Mo's place (shes a lesbian) and I wanted him to come over coz I was horny- so we were driving back to her place one night and I decided I would tell her! 

Me- "So..... I.... never mind"

Mo- "Fuck okay"

Me- "I...... I wanna tell you something"

Mo- "Well hurry up"

Me- "You have to promise not to tell any one- not even your mum- or Miss" - miss was her GF

Mo- "Just fucking spit it out!"

Me- "I...... I've kinda...."

Mo- "You better hurry up"

Me- "Iv met some one,,,"

Mo- "OMG its a guy isnt it?"

Me- "Yea"

Mo- "So"

Me- "Well I was hoping he could come over tonight"

Mo- "I dont give a fuck"

And that was it- oh well B-Rad came over and surprisingly so did a few of Mo's mates- fucking sneaky bitch- but I love her to pieces!

So that was the biggest hurdle for me over- she was my closet friend back then and her opinion ment the world to me- It probably helped she was a dyke though. 

Basically- the rest I think i have told you all- The night before I left home to go to Uni I went out and got drunk- as did basically everyone in my year- My plan was to tell everyone that night... which I managed to do but as the night wore on I got more and more nervous so I ended up putting it off right until the very end of the night. Told everyone and went home. 

I think my reasoning was that I would never have to see these people again if I didn't want to or if they reacted badly. Thankfully I have only had to lose one friend because I was gay and the only reason were her religious beliefs. We did talk about it and she brought up the fact that a lot of her friends were gay but she didnt agree with it. I couldnt understand how she could be friend with people if she didnt agree with their lifestyle choices- to me it all seemed a bit two faced and it still does. 

Mum and Dad and my sister found  out a few months down the track while I was at uni. I SMS's my sister one night and told her but asked her not to tell mum and dad- sure enough half an hour later i get a call from mum and dad "Renee has told us your news". They were happy as long as I was happy and I cannot thank them enough for how easy they have made it on me.

Ill never forget they day Mum cracked her first gay joke- it was only funny because it came out of her mouth (so it was a pretty lame attempt as far as jokes in general go). But we were loading up the car later that year for a family trip to Singapore, London, Istanbul, Athens and eventually some city in Crete for my brothers wedding. Being mum she over packed her back and could barely drag it let alone lift it into the car so I offered to do it for her and it was a piece of cake for me. I turn to mum with a cheeky smile on my face expecting a thank you and I get;

"Pretty strong for a gay aren't you?"

I was buckled in half with laughter- the look on her face was classic the cheeky bitch!

Sex... No Sex

I just woke up and I'm kinda tired-So the coffee with David didnt go according to plan. He wanted to change the time because of his job but I already had other plans. He was genuinely sorry and I kept saying that it was fine and we had all the time in the world to meet up again and I kept getting these cute SMS's like "But I really wanna meet up... this isnt ideal" so I thought that was cute that he REALLY wanted to see me since we haven't really talked too extensively since I got his number.

In other news: Date number 2 Zane came over last night. We had planned to go out for dinner to this really cool Sushi place but we were both a bit fucked. He's in to theater and had a costume party the night before with the cast from the show he is in... I saw photos on facebook and honestly I have never thought Prince (or the artist formally known as...) was attractive- but Zane looked damn sexy! So we decided to just make sushi at mine and watch a movie. 

Now we have done the whole "movie at mine" bit in the past and for some reason I was never on my game and hesitant to make any kind of move. But last night it all just kind of happened like it was something we did all the time. We watched the movie in my room and lying on the bed we just kinda snuggled in to each other like it was the most normal thing on the world. After the movie we had about 2 hours of foreplay. Im still not sure if you can call it foreplay since it didnt really come before anything. He said he didnt want to sleep with me last night which I thought was a really smooth move! Kinda new territory for me but I went with it. Eventually we just ended up tangled up in this really cute cuddle after the everything-but-sex and I must say it was kinda nice knowing that I could not have sex with a guy who was in my bed for a change! FYI Im a way better kisser than him :P Don't get me wrong- hes really good... Im just better

ANYWAY I only meant to come on here to show you my Christmas Wish List

1. Albums by both Jay Brannan and Julia Nunes- I have always loved the both of them but always seem to forget to find them when Im on iTunes. Also I found out Jay was in the movie which brings me to number 2

2. 'Shortbus' where hes in this gay threesome and you basically see everything.

3. Tickets to BDO so I can see MIA live- shes my all time favorite artist!

4. I would like my Credit Card debt to be paid off- its not even a large debt... I just keep putting it off so I can buy shit I dont need like this glass computer desk when I already have a perfectly good one to use.

5. A new job- basically I have found myself in a field of work that I dont enjoy (Telemarketing) in a position I despise even more. Im a manager at the tender age of 21 which is pretty cool but its not where I want to be- and for the position the pay isnt even that good. Also why the hell do grown men and women insist on acting like complete children? Honestly some days I feel like a fucking school teacher!

6. To know that my parents are looked after. (Oooh getting to the real deep stuff now) Me and my sister moved out a couple of years ago to join the real world and since we've been gone I always worry about them. They've always had some form of company (i.e. our cat Polly and dog Abby) but Polly got put down 2 months ago and Abby, only last Friday. (I got my mum a cat and dog Pandora charm for Xmas)... so now its just to two of them I always worry that they get lonely.

7. A bigger penis  bed. Dont get me wrong Im not rocking a single or anything silly- I have a queen but I want a king or super king- Im about 6 foot which should mean that I have plenty of space but my feet still hang off the end! (Also FYI Im about 7.5 inches which Im happy with- Surprisingly Iv only slept with 2 guys who were bigger than me and they were massive!)

8. A new car. Mines nice but I dont like the color- and sometimes it squeaks which Im not a fan of.

9. An iPhone- just cos'

10. World Peace....

HAHAHA only joking! I honestly cant think of a tenth one

- rest assured thanks to my new follower I have a whole bunch of new post ideas so you will be seeing a bit more of me!! (YAY)

No posts :(

Okay so I have kind of run dry on what to write about so I want as many comments with ideas or questions you might have for me? Ill basically answer anything you send me with 99.9% honesty so feel free to ask me anything you want!

Also- my baby blog has managed to double the amount of views I had from October to Novemeber so Im totally stoked- but I dont seem to get many comment's and seem to have stopped at the 13 follower mark... I know there are way more readers out there (Blogger told me so) so if you do read PLEASE show your apprecialtion- comment or mail me or better still follow me just so I know Im not talking to myself and the 13 awesome people totally cool enough to follow me. It can get pretty disheartening not getting anyfeed ack- I LOVE getting comments and new followers- I love chatting to new people and sharing life experiences so hit me up :D

Love yas x

Also quick question for you;

EMO boys- hot or not?