Fucking Telemarketers

So we all get them- those calls that interrupt your dinner from strangers who you just know are trying to sell you something or get you to answer questions about something you couldn't actually give two shits about.

Well heres the inside scoop! I work in a call center which rings people to get donations for charities. We are the people everyone loves to hate.... and to be fair- I hate us too. But what do you do when you get one? Are you a yeller? are you a polite listener? do you let us down gently? 

TIP 1- 

Me personally- if I know for sure I'm not interested- I hang up straight away. In my experience I prefer the people who hang up on me... Most people feel bad about doing this but not only do you avoid a lengthy conversation about the weather and your plans for a weekend but the person calling would probably prefer it if you keep the rejection quick and to the point.

TIP 2- 

If you say no they WILL come back at you. Most people that do this hate this part of the job so go easy. 

One thing that really shits me is when people say "Did you not just hear me?" or the "Do you not understand what I am saying?" I hear you bitch... I just don't care! Basically this is the "selling" part of the job- they will give you what is known as 'Features and Benefits' The whole point behind these is to present your reason for not buying something or doing what ever they want you to do in a different light with reasons on how they can still achieve the same outcome - i.e. you donating in our case- but make it easier for you. The best thing to do in this situation is to simply say "I'm not interested" don't make up excuses- we can all tell when you are lying (we speak to hundreds of people every day trust me we can tell). The more excuses you give the more selling points they will be able to use. Less IS more in your case!

TIP 3-

The aim of the calling game is to take control of the call most telemarketers will in training be told to "Be assertive". Dont let them. Get them on the back foot by talking a little louder than you normally would. Dont confuse this with yelling - yelling just makes us angry and we will probably go to great lengths to piss you off just for the hell of it. Loud=strong, assertive, domineering. If you have children and you want them to do something that they dont want to do you raise your voice dont you? Same thing here!

TIP 4-

Be too nice! A lot of people find it hard in this job to push people into things if they're super nice. In my case- if I make friends with the person I call I feel bad about trying to get money out of them for a cause they've never heard of and probably don't care about. 

TIP 5- 

If the person is lucky enough to sucker you in- use silence to your advantage. Awkward silence is your friend. I always use this to get higher donations out of people. Basically the trick is you present the person with the different values starting highest and going down. In my case I have 5 different values but will only tell you about 3 of them- you guessed it the highest three. Not a lie; an omission! When i get to the 3rd one I stop and wait for a response- you are probably waiting for me to give you a lower amount but I am using the silence to my advantage. Most people I call hate awkward silence and are quick to fill it. This can work for you as well- most callers hate awkward silence- if they do have any backups or deals they can give you they will be quick to tell you about them rather than risk losing a deal.

TIP 6-

Want to have a bit of fun? Piss off the person calling you? Forget their name. Find something very similar and start using that. Better yet find something that sounds nothing like it and use that! I work with one lady who's name is Andrea and every day she gets something new, it really pisses her off. 

On top of this if you do want to listen to the whole call ask as many questions you can- hammer them and really test their knowledge make sure they're really earning their money!

This weekend has been AMAZING- a 9.5 on a scale of 1-10!!! Day at the races on Saturday- drinking from 11 to 11. I love to dress up fancy and even did my hair real classic like- debonair is how I would describe me! Managed to cut my foot deep and forget how it happened! Sunday (today) had a date with Azza... yes there is yet another guy! This one I was set up through a woman at work... you remember Dee- well her. Azza is really cute and told me I had the cutest smile and gorgeous eyes... possibly a bit full on for my liking but possibly the SWEETEST guy I have ever met- a little nervous but in a cute way! So watch this space!

Sex... No Sex

I just woke up and I'm kinda tired-So the coffee with David didnt go according to plan. He wanted to change the time because of his job but I already had other plans. He was genuinely sorry and I kept saying that it was fine and we had all the time in the world to meet up again and I kept getting these cute SMS's like "But I really wanna meet up... this isnt ideal" so I thought that was cute that he REALLY wanted to see me since we haven't really talked too extensively since I got his number.

In other news: Date number 2 Zane came over last night. We had planned to go out for dinner to this really cool Sushi place but we were both a bit fucked. He's in to theater and had a costume party the night before with the cast from the show he is in... I saw photos on facebook and honestly I have never thought Prince (or the artist formally known as...) was attractive- but Zane looked damn sexy! So we decided to just make sushi at mine and watch a movie. 

Now we have done the whole "movie at mine" bit in the past and for some reason I was never on my game and hesitant to make any kind of move. But last night it all just kind of happened like it was something we did all the time. We watched the movie in my room and lying on the bed we just kinda snuggled in to each other like it was the most normal thing on the world. After the movie we had about 2 hours of foreplay. Im still not sure if you can call it foreplay since it didnt really come before anything. He said he didnt want to sleep with me last night which I thought was a really smooth move! Kinda new territory for me but I went with it. Eventually we just ended up tangled up in this really cute cuddle after the everything-but-sex and I must say it was kinda nice knowing that I could not have sex with a guy who was in my bed for a change! FYI Im a way better kisser than him :P Don't get me wrong- hes really good... Im just better

ANYWAY I only meant to come on here to show you my Christmas Wish List

1. Albums by both Jay Brannan and Julia Nunes- I have always loved the both of them but always seem to forget to find them when Im on iTunes. Also I found out Jay was in the movie which brings me to number 2

2. 'Shortbus' where hes in this gay threesome and you basically see everything.

3. Tickets to BDO so I can see MIA live- shes my all time favorite artist!

4. I would like my Credit Card debt to be paid off- its not even a large debt... I just keep putting it off so I can buy shit I dont need like this glass computer desk when I already have a perfectly good one to use.

5. A new job- basically I have found myself in a field of work that I dont enjoy (Telemarketing) in a position I despise even more. Im a manager at the tender age of 21 which is pretty cool but its not where I want to be- and for the position the pay isnt even that good. Also why the hell do grown men and women insist on acting like complete children? Honestly some days I feel like a fucking school teacher!

6. To know that my parents are looked after. (Oooh getting to the real deep stuff now) Me and my sister moved out a couple of years ago to join the real world and since we've been gone I always worry about them. They've always had some form of company (i.e. our cat Polly and dog Abby) but Polly got put down 2 months ago and Abby, only last Friday. (I got my mum a cat and dog Pandora charm for Xmas)... so now its just to two of them I always worry that they get lonely.

7. A bigger penis  bed. Dont get me wrong Im not rocking a single or anything silly- I have a queen but I want a king or super king- Im about 6 foot which should mean that I have plenty of space but my feet still hang off the end! (Also FYI Im about 7.5 inches which Im happy with- Surprisingly Iv only slept with 2 guys who were bigger than me and they were massive!)

8. A new car. Mines nice but I dont like the color- and sometimes it squeaks which Im not a fan of.

9. An iPhone- just cos'

10. World Peace....

HAHAHA only joking! I honestly cant think of a tenth one

- rest assured thanks to my new follower I have a whole bunch of new post ideas so you will be seeing a bit more of me!! (YAY)

First Sexual Encounter

So I figured I was getting a bit boring so I was chatting to my friend Woody about it and he said I should post about my first 'sexual experience'. I was thinking about it a little more and I can categorize this into two separate occasions (three if I wanted to count the time I first took it up the butt- and four if I count the first time I smashed a guys arse- haha fuck thats a disgusting way to describe it, Ive been around Joey too long!!!).

So I have slept with three girls in my short 21 years. Which was enough to know I was gay... Let me tell you! I think one would have sufficed but you know how sometimes you just have to double or, in my case, triple check to make sure. The funny thing about this is that I told Shaneinei about my blog the other week and now she reads it- We are both still close friends with the girl who stole my virginity. 

Ive known Kay since I was about 13 but we didn't really become friends until a year later. There was a whole group of us (I cbf making up names for everyone). Funnily enough I was the only guy which, to me was normal as hell. Didn't really come across that way to many of the other guys I went to school with. You would think that having only girl friends would be an early indicator that I was gay but Im not even entirely sure I knew what 'being gay' meant back then. So all of us became quite close -and as "cool underage teens" do- we used to drink together on the weekends. You know how every group of friends seems to have that one kid with the cool parents that would let a tribe of teens inhabit their come for the weekend and not blow a gasket if they all got drunk- Well we had Slam who lived with her grandparents. 

It had always been a secret dream of mine to lose my virginity before I was the legal age to do so (16 in this country)- on this fateful night- Kay and I had waaaaaay too much to drink and were making out by the pool- at one point I think I almost fell in (I'm almost 100% positive Shaneinei had to be helped out a few times). Anyway the whole ordeal was very clumsy. She had shaved her vag like a week prior so everything was very prickly- being a virgin she was also tight as a nuns cunt- I struggled to get inside even though for most of it doubt I was even hard enough to do any damage (I couldn't tell afterwards if this was because I was so drunk or the fact that I found vagina a huge turn off). We went at it for a good 30 minutes trying all different positions (mainly who ever felt the drunkest at the time got to be on the bottom)- There was a bit of moaning and heavy breathing from Kays end- I don't think it finished, more that we both kind of gave up. 5 mins after we had given up I was head in the toilet going for Africa (again not sure if it was drunkenness or disgust at the thought of my tongue in a vagina). I think we can both chalk the whole night up to being a big failure- I did get a nice SMS from her the next day saying she was glad it was me- I hope now she doesn't count it as her first time- If she does than i think I set the bar remarkably low for all of the guys to follow. 

Now on to my first ever encounter with a guy- I do vaguely remember playing doctor with a boy from up the road in primary- but at that age I don't think you can call it sex... more education. So my first ever experience with a guy- I am a little ashamed to say- was with a complete stranger. I didn't and will never know this guys name. It wasn't rape or anything like that. Quite the opposite- I was 16 at the time . I dont quite remember how I got this guys number but he was 27. At the time I didn't find this strange, but looking back it is a little pedo. Its also probably the reason most of the guys I got for now are close to that age range. Anyway- he didn't live in my home town but was 45 mins away. He was passing through one night at about the same time I was due to finish work (I was a supermarket bitch at the time). 

We SMS'd each other the whole time I was in work and decided on a place to go. It was some random park near a river one the way out of town that we both had to drive past to get to where we were heading anyway- So i drive up there in my poo brown ancient-as-fuck Pugeot 323 and hes already there waiting. 

I think I was the instigator of the whole thing once he jumped in my car- He tried to make small talk and in my excitement I just kind of blurted out (which I will never forget) "Are you going to take your pants off now?"- Well it didnt take him long to get the message. 

Keep in mind this was the first time- since the age of 5 at least that I had played with a cock that wasn't my own so I spent a good bit of time touching and examining. At 16 of course he was a lot bigger than me and I remember being shocked at how big it was. I just assumed that that was the standard size of a grown cock but thinking back now it was a good 8 inches long and one of the thickest ones I've wrapped my lips around. All of a sudden I found my hear between his legs trying to fit his monster in my mouth. I thought I was a bit of a pro at cock sucking at the time... Turns out I've learned a few things in my time. But the head I was giving for the first time must have been good because he came pretty soon. I don't know if it was instinct or shock but I swallowed the whole load as well. I had a bit of a chuckle to myself because I he then apologised for being so quick to which I said "I'm actually kinda stoked coz' my mouth was getting sore". (Funny thing is Ive now lost count of the amount of guys who have apologised for cumming to quickly- Yet I have never had that problem). 

It was then my turn and being so excited about the whole thing I almost came with him just undoing my pants! Luckily I manages to regain composure and hold of a lot longer than he did- the guy swallowed too which was good because it would have been hard to explain a mess in my car! Once he was done playing with my dick in his mouth he tried to start the whole small talk game again and I gave him the hurry up by saying "Yeah.... well I'm gonna go now... so..." It was kind of awkward because he didn't seem to get the hint at first. I remember getting nervous on the drive home that I would get there and my parents would smell cock all over me- I did make a conscious effort not to breathe too closely to them!

To this day I will never understand why people feel the need to make small talk before a booty call. You're not a fucking sales person- you don't have to build any kind of rapport to make a sale- If I showed up I showed up to get down not to talk about the weather and how my fucking day went. In fact, if its a booty call- my day is the last thing I want to talk about, which is why I want to have some uninhibited, no strings attached sex! 

Porn at Work?! NEVER... okay maybe some times

Hey gorgeous people!

So i have a funny story for you! I have just moved in to a new place with my friend and we dont have internet hooked up yet so I have been sneakily using facebook, buying shit and emailing at work.... and when no one else was around.... when the place was empty and I was there alone the occasional video on Xtube. This place is sooo fucking backwards with technology that I didn't think anyone would notice! In the whole center of over 60 people I am the one who seems to know the most about computers and by todays standards thats fuck all....


Anyway I get this email the other day- "We need to stop using our computers for personal use as there has been a lot of inappropriate activity lately" this was sent out to all management... Its like they know but they seem to be too embarrassed to say anything HAHAHA. I actually couldn't really care less if they bring it up so as long as they're too scared I figure Ill keep doing it until I get net sorted at home!!

Anyway I decided that I don't really like that guy that came around the other day but I have been dying for a fuck lately which isn't really like me. Mind you its usually because Im getting action- I now know how people who don't have sex feel and trust me... life isn't good for those people. The amount of inappropriate erections Iv had! Lucky Im not the kind of person to break out into a sweat and run out of a room trying to hide my tent!! Jesus how do these people do it??

Thats another thing I don't get... people in a relationship who stop having sex. When i was with my ex we had it over 9 times a week for sure. I don't get how people are like "the love just inst there" - guys Its just sex- you don't have to love someone to put your dick in them! .... Well i don't anyway- does this make me a bad person? I don think so- some times the best sex is the sex where you dont care about the other person! Thats where it can just be what it as and both people can just get exactly what they want and be done with it when its over.

I always wonder though am I speaking for myself? Or is this like a common thing?

god I love sex!

Also on a non sex note- I want to get one of those county things so I can see how many- (if any) times this thing gets read by people. As much as I love talking to myself it seems kind of silly to waste time writing it down. Does anyone know how to get one of those things??

Hope you guys are swell- shit weather on the way to where I am... woohoo

xoxo

Lying Cheating Whores

Hi guys.... I'm guessing it probably seems pretty random that it was like 8 months ago that I did my last post... (and it was only my second). I kind of gave up! To be honest I didn't even realise I had any comments on the first two posts. So thanks guys for that!!!

Not much has changed with me... Im still working in the same place. I managed to graduate though so yayness to me! Still living in the same old shitter or a city!

So I will try and catch you up to my life in the most brief way:

1- I was "cheated on" by my ex's best friend
2- I found out my ex had been cheating on me
3- I got felt up by 2 straight guys about 6 months back
4- One of them told me he had 2 months to live
5- ... hes still alive
6- I started shagging my ex's best friend again
7- I stopped shagging my ex's best friend
8- Dad had a heart attack
9- mum had an operation
10- I did a bungy jump
11- My friend visited me for a month (from Ireland)
12- We drank loads
13- I slept with a homeless guy
14- I went snorkeling with sharks
15- A bit of rock wall climbing
16- We went white water rafting
17- we sobered up
18- We got drunk again
19- I got in a bar fight with an army dude
20- ... I won
21- I got thrown out of the club
22- Watched my first rugby game
23- HAD to get drunk
24- Irish friend went home
25- I had to sober up alone
26- I started writing this blog entry.

I think thats all the most interesting stuff.... OH and I found out that this guy I wanna shag that works in my building (who I thought was for sure gay) is married with a kid.

So anyway... The whole thing with my ex and his best friend... its kind of twisted. I found out that him and my ex had slept together while we were going out (plus he slept with a whole bunch of other people). But for some reason I kept shagging him. It did kind of end up working in my favor though because no he really likes me and I don't want any thing to do with him. Its brilliant- he keeps ringing me and leaving messages and facebooking me- Normally I'm not this sadistic- but he lied to me about sleeping with my ex and then again about being with someone when we started fucking. REVENGE IS SWEET!

As far as him and this whole place I'm living in goes... Iv had enough! So I have now decided to set myself a goal- I am sure you are all dying to hear it!

So I'm moving in to a new place with one of my closest friends and she is going to help me get fit etc etc- less smoking (probably still the same amount of drinking though... maybe a bit more) and THEN I'm going to head to New York.

I don't know what the pull is- maybe its Sex and the City that did it??? Who knows but I want to start saving like mad and hopefully I will make it by this time 2011... or 12 :P

If anyone has done this sort of thing before it would be great to hear from you and hear how it all works- I haven't been to far out of my own country- let alone on my own- let alone to live. So I'm thinking whats the best airline? whats the best area to live? How much money do you think I will need? How do I go about getting a work visa? Can you guarantee that I will be frisked upon entry?

Anyway would be great to hear from anyone and hopefully get some more followers... I plan on making this a more regular thing I promise.

Anyway... its 10 o'clock on a Friday... what am I still doing sober??

Have a great weekend lovelies!

xoxo

Happy New Year!

Well the New Year has started off with a hiss and a roar. I hope your night was as amazing and alcohol fueled as mine was! We welcomed in 10 with a few friends a BBQ a broken picnic table and a smidgen of Mary-j (not for me of course... I don't do drugs).

boy do I have a story for you... My friend Joan and her b/f John (names changed of course) came over for NYE and started the night off having a row about their relationship in front of us all and made the whole deal awkward... it went on for ages and eventually I got sick of hearing it and got loud and obnoxious. So much so that they eventually couldn't even hear each other. Anyway turns out one of their problems is that John wants to try out cock and that whole night Jean kept hinting to the fact.

I was completely trashed and seemed to think she was only joking but I was to find out later that I was oh so wrong! Joan accidentally picked up my car keys and took them home with her which was fine because it was easy enough for her to drop them around to me NYD or today. So later the next night I was on Facebook and I got an IM from Joan but it was John on her account.

One thing led to another and John got quite dirty online and filled me in that Joan hadn't been joking and he really did want to try cock. Apparently on NY I had drunkenly blurted out that I didn't find John remotely attractive to Joan and that is why she hadn't just come out and asked me if I would fuck her boyfriends ass for her.

Anyway I chatted to Joan and told her I would do it only as a favor to her because my reasoning was that I think she is too good for him and if I can make him enjoy it then they can break up and she can finally be happy... with someone who doesn't hold her back.

Anyway he ended up coming around and we fucked... well I fucked him and it was soooooo awkward! But the thing is I can act completely normal after sex but I have a feeling that John will be all weird. I made it clear to John that this was only a favor to Joan and once we were done I told him to leave. It had to be the weirdest ever way to start the year.

Has this kind of thing ever happened to you? If so fill me in!!