Online Dating

This is something that I find so amusing. 

I joined a site the other day just for a laugh and to secretly find out if there was anyone I knew on the site. I have always been fascinated by dating websites- ever since one of the kids at my school told me that one of our teachers had an ad up (OMG this totally reminds me of an even better story for another day where a teacher got fired for being found in a porn film)!

Anyway I find online dating silly for the following reasons-

1. For someone my age- there are hundreds of old men out there who think they can get some. Would you fuck you son? I find guys who try it on with guys 10+ years their junior sickening (somehow I would feel differently though if the relationship had grown organically-go  figure).

2. Guys seem to think a cock pic is a prerequisite. Do you whip yours out in the first 5 minutes of a first date?

3. A majority of the people on these sites are looking for a quick fuck and not a relationship. Really these sites should be called "Online Fucking".

3.  You never REALLY know who you're talking to. My friend met up with this guy once and apparently the picture of this guy was about 20 years out of date!

First of all- Internet dating has, if anything, made dating a whole lot more dangerous. How can you ever be 100% sure whom ever you are talking to are who they say they are? Sure they make send you a genuine photo of themselves but we all know how easy the internet has made lying!

4. People always start with "I have having to write about myself" or "I never know what to put here..." 

For those with the "self conscious" ads- if you don't want to write about yourself don't go on a fucking dating site- 90% of generated content is written AND second of all whats this "I never know" bull shit... Just how many of these sites are you signed up to... and if its more than one should you not have a fair idea of what to write by now? 

Honestly its really not that fucking hard- 

"Barry, 21, works in advertising- recent graduate. Loves taking his dog on long walks down the river- going out with friends or hanging in and watching a movie" (Far from me by the way).

Also I hate how everything is abbreviated now days like 'GSOH' and 'DTE' why dont you just write 'IADFWLIITA' ("Im a dirty fag who likes it in the ass"- for those of us playing at home). It really shouldn't take you that much longer to type this shit out in full... unless of course you only have one hand, or are missing fingers.  

Its not a short story competition. Keep it brief - no one is really going to care THAT much about you until they meet you.., or at least they shouldn't. And if they are SO insecure that they are going to place all faith in a couple of emails then they need to seek professional help! To me- developing feelings for someone you're emailing is just as good as falling in love with a character in a book.

When did life become so busy that we have to turn to the internet to find a partner? When did society become so shy that we can't just walk up to a person and ask them for their number? Oh totally reminds me of what I actually came on here to tell you! 

Went to a work ting on Friday night and headed in to town... being the only gay friend seems to be quite novel with these people and I was forced to drag them all to the gay bar (why they couldn't go without me I'll never know)... anyway I got the number of this really cute guy David and were going to meet for coffee this week some time- so I will keep you updated!!

Hope you all had a fab weekend xo

First Sexual Encounter

So I figured I was getting a bit boring so I was chatting to my friend Woody about it and he said I should post about my first 'sexual experience'. I was thinking about it a little more and I can categorize this into two separate occasions (three if I wanted to count the time I first took it up the butt- and four if I count the first time I smashed a guys arse- haha fuck thats a disgusting way to describe it, Ive been around Joey too long!!!).

So I have slept with three girls in my short 21 years. Which was enough to know I was gay... Let me tell you! I think one would have sufficed but you know how sometimes you just have to double or, in my case, triple check to make sure. The funny thing about this is that I told Shaneinei about my blog the other week and now she reads it- We are both still close friends with the girl who stole my virginity. 

Ive known Kay since I was about 13 but we didn't really become friends until a year later. There was a whole group of us (I cbf making up names for everyone). Funnily enough I was the only guy which, to me was normal as hell. Didn't really come across that way to many of the other guys I went to school with. You would think that having only girl friends would be an early indicator that I was gay but Im not even entirely sure I knew what 'being gay' meant back then. So all of us became quite close -and as "cool underage teens" do- we used to drink together on the weekends. You know how every group of friends seems to have that one kid with the cool parents that would let a tribe of teens inhabit their come for the weekend and not blow a gasket if they all got drunk- Well we had Slam who lived with her grandparents. 

It had always been a secret dream of mine to lose my virginity before I was the legal age to do so (16 in this country)- on this fateful night- Kay and I had waaaaaay too much to drink and were making out by the pool- at one point I think I almost fell in (I'm almost 100% positive Shaneinei had to be helped out a few times). Anyway the whole ordeal was very clumsy. She had shaved her vag like a week prior so everything was very prickly- being a virgin she was also tight as a nuns cunt- I struggled to get inside even though for most of it doubt I was even hard enough to do any damage (I couldn't tell afterwards if this was because I was so drunk or the fact that I found vagina a huge turn off). We went at it for a good 30 minutes trying all different positions (mainly who ever felt the drunkest at the time got to be on the bottom)- There was a bit of moaning and heavy breathing from Kays end- I don't think it finished, more that we both kind of gave up. 5 mins after we had given up I was head in the toilet going for Africa (again not sure if it was drunkenness or disgust at the thought of my tongue in a vagina). I think we can both chalk the whole night up to being a big failure- I did get a nice SMS from her the next day saying she was glad it was me- I hope now she doesn't count it as her first time- If she does than i think I set the bar remarkably low for all of the guys to follow. 

Now on to my first ever encounter with a guy- I do vaguely remember playing doctor with a boy from up the road in primary- but at that age I don't think you can call it sex... more education. So my first ever experience with a guy- I am a little ashamed to say- was with a complete stranger. I didn't and will never know this guys name. It wasn't rape or anything like that. Quite the opposite- I was 16 at the time . I dont quite remember how I got this guys number but he was 27. At the time I didn't find this strange, but looking back it is a little pedo. Its also probably the reason most of the guys I got for now are close to that age range. Anyway- he didn't live in my home town but was 45 mins away. He was passing through one night at about the same time I was due to finish work (I was a supermarket bitch at the time). 

We SMS'd each other the whole time I was in work and decided on a place to go. It was some random park near a river one the way out of town that we both had to drive past to get to where we were heading anyway- So i drive up there in my poo brown ancient-as-fuck Pugeot 323 and hes already there waiting. 

I think I was the instigator of the whole thing once he jumped in my car- He tried to make small talk and in my excitement I just kind of blurted out (which I will never forget) "Are you going to take your pants off now?"- Well it didnt take him long to get the message. 

Keep in mind this was the first time- since the age of 5 at least that I had played with a cock that wasn't my own so I spent a good bit of time touching and examining. At 16 of course he was a lot bigger than me and I remember being shocked at how big it was. I just assumed that that was the standard size of a grown cock but thinking back now it was a good 8 inches long and one of the thickest ones I've wrapped my lips around. All of a sudden I found my hear between his legs trying to fit his monster in my mouth. I thought I was a bit of a pro at cock sucking at the time... Turns out I've learned a few things in my time. But the head I was giving for the first time must have been good because he came pretty soon. I don't know if it was instinct or shock but I swallowed the whole load as well. I had a bit of a chuckle to myself because I he then apologised for being so quick to which I said "I'm actually kinda stoked coz' my mouth was getting sore". (Funny thing is Ive now lost count of the amount of guys who have apologised for cumming to quickly- Yet I have never had that problem). 

It was then my turn and being so excited about the whole thing I almost came with him just undoing my pants! Luckily I manages to regain composure and hold of a lot longer than he did- the guy swallowed too which was good because it would have been hard to explain a mess in my car! Once he was done playing with my dick in his mouth he tried to start the whole small talk game again and I gave him the hurry up by saying "Yeah.... well I'm gonna go now... so..." It was kind of awkward because he didn't seem to get the hint at first. I remember getting nervous on the drive home that I would get there and my parents would smell cock all over me- I did make a conscious effort not to breathe too closely to them!

To this day I will never understand why people feel the need to make small talk before a booty call. You're not a fucking sales person- you don't have to build any kind of rapport to make a sale- If I showed up I showed up to get down not to talk about the weather and how my fucking day went. In fact, if its a booty call- my day is the last thing I want to talk about, which is why I want to have some uninhibited, no strings attached sex! 

Happy New Year!

Well the New Year has started off with a hiss and a roar. I hope your night was as amazing and alcohol fueled as mine was! We welcomed in 10 with a few friends a BBQ a broken picnic table and a smidgen of Mary-j (not for me of course... I don't do drugs).

boy do I have a story for you... My friend Joan and her b/f John (names changed of course) came over for NYE and started the night off having a row about their relationship in front of us all and made the whole deal awkward... it went on for ages and eventually I got sick of hearing it and got loud and obnoxious. So much so that they eventually couldn't even hear each other. Anyway turns out one of their problems is that John wants to try out cock and that whole night Jean kept hinting to the fact.

I was completely trashed and seemed to think she was only joking but I was to find out later that I was oh so wrong! Joan accidentally picked up my car keys and took them home with her which was fine because it was easy enough for her to drop them around to me NYD or today. So later the next night I was on Facebook and I got an IM from Joan but it was John on her account.

One thing led to another and John got quite dirty online and filled me in that Joan hadn't been joking and he really did want to try cock. Apparently on NY I had drunkenly blurted out that I didn't find John remotely attractive to Joan and that is why she hadn't just come out and asked me if I would fuck her boyfriends ass for her.

Anyway I chatted to Joan and told her I would do it only as a favor to her because my reasoning was that I think she is too good for him and if I can make him enjoy it then they can break up and she can finally be happy... with someone who doesn't hold her back.

Anyway he ended up coming around and we fucked... well I fucked him and it was soooooo awkward! But the thing is I can act completely normal after sex but I have a feeling that John will be all weird. I made it clear to John that this was only a favor to Joan and once we were done I told him to leave. It had to be the weirdest ever way to start the year.

Has this kind of thing ever happened to you? If so fill me in!!