Back to work :(

Okay so keeping true to my promise I had to force myself to post tonight. First day back at work today and it actually wasn't as bad as 8 I thought it was going to be- it went really quickly and my staff did good so I was happy. Also finally got my CV and cover letter all finished so I will drop it to the place where I want to work some time this week. I'm actually really stoked with how it turned out and there is no way i'm he'll I could have done it without all the help I got from JB!!!! I have been good on the health train so far- kind of easing myself into it- I actually HAD breakfast this morning which was new. Normally around 3 at work I would be dying for a smoke and I managed to sit out with the smokers and not have one at all which I was pleased about!! Iv been hitting the water and green tea pretty hard which is good!! Then me and Joey ran home from work which was only about 3kms but it's a good start I surprised myself by the fact that we actually ran nearly the whole thing!!!

Mum is down visiting for a couple of day which is real nice! I got home today and she had bought me a whole lot of groceries, vaccuumed my bedroom, scrubbed my bathroom AND cooked a roast for us all! Got I love my mum :D

that about it from me- I see my views have kinda dropped a bit- I'm worrying I'm getting boring :s if there is anything particular you want to hear or know about me or want to know m opinion on email me and let me know :D

Love
from
Me
xo

My New Life: Day 2

Hey guys :D

So I didnt do too much today. Went in and hung out with Shaneinei which was fun times. I love having friends that you dont see forever and you finally hang out and its like no time has passed.

The poor girl I think she was probably a bit shell shocked at the amount of walking I made her to today. We went all over town to find Kay an engagement present thats on Saturday (SUPER EXCITED). The amount of shops that we went into that had me convinced that the only decent shit there is to buy in this town is photo frames was unimaginable... they have some of the junkiest shops here! I was starting to lose all hope when I finally managed to find a set of knives in the sweet stand. I liked them anyway and would have gotten them but the biggest seller was that they were 60% fucking amazing.

Had some sushi for lunch which was kind of average and twice the price that I would pay back home which was kind of disappointing.

Got home and decided to go for a run.... thanks to mum who kinda gave me the push I needed since I was feeling particularly unmotivated.

This three weeks off has killed me physically.... I only lasted 1k before I had to stop for a walk where as before (before I cut my foot) I could have done 4. I have a lot of work a head of me but I know I can do it!!!

My New Life: Day 1

 
Today, Wednesday 5th January 2011 marks the official turning of the newest page of my life.
 
Okay so today wasnt THAT momentus- didnt quite hit the steamed veggies and water today... I figure for now I have the party on saturday so I dont really need to cut out ALL unhealthy shit- Im still drinking and eating pretty shit (although now Im up home with ma and pa I am eating a lot more fresh produce). But something kind of big happened internally today.
 
I was parusing facebook today and stumbled upon photos of my ex and his new boyfriend on their New Years holiday, It has been over a year since we split so I was quite surprised at how upset it had made me. For some reason it gave me a knot in my stomach- a sick feeling kind of washed over me and has lingered for the whole day. The feeling did dull gradually and I decided that I would not look at this as something for me to wallow about I have chosen to use this as a motivating factor.
 
This year is my year. Last year was all about me- or so I thought but it was the wrong kind of selfishness. It was material things that I used to make myself feel good. I now have a full wardobe and nice living room but today made me realise that I have not made as much progress as I thought I had. Instead of actually dealing with all of my emotional baggage I was just swapping it for my want of things. This year I am going to make it about ME but in a mind body and sould kind of approach...
 
These are the 10 promises I have made to myself:

• I need to face my problems head on
• Things will get worse before they can get better
• I cant expect to be happy straight away
• I will save more
• I will buy less
• I will excersize more
• I will eat less
• I will drink less
• I wont smoke
• I will feel better one day

 
So today I have been shovelling bark for Mum today- 2 trailer loads, this was closeley followed up by some firewood stacking and chopping (its summer here but it cant hurt to be prepared right?). I kind of went a bit crazy with determination. This was mainley sparked by the photos I had seen and how sick, jealous, hurt and angry they had made me feel. I was going to follow all of this up with a run but my cousin and his wife and two kids decided to come over for dinner which was actually really nice- their daughters are really cool (theyre only like 12 and 7). I was like the COOLEST person in the world to them... well for tonight at least. We did cartwheels out on the lawn and then drew pictures using both our hands and then we put the pen between our toeas and wrote stuff with our feet- now I have two cool pictures to hang up at work when I go back. Then at the end of the night they ran up and gave me the biggest hug goodbye. It made me miss being young and carefree and innocent!!
 
But tomorrow I will be going for a mass run for sure- I have my new trainers and my iPod- I am unstoppable!
 
I hope you are all keeping sexy!
 
Love from me

New Beginnings

So I have committed myself to believing that 2011 is the year of change for me! 

I have spent the last week writing a "new and improved" CV - (How can something be Improved if its New right?). I am now laboriously poring over a cover letter for a job I am going to apply for - and I'm going to get!

(I call on the power of the secret!)

I have decided that I really need to get my shit sorted for saving for this trip with Paz. I have worked it out that I will need to tuck away about $200 a week which means that after rent and food I am going to have NO money for myself.... Lifes hard but it will be worth it!

The last and probably biggest change for 2011 is the health kick that Paz and I have decided to go on. So I'm 6ft and 110kg and Im looking to slim down and tone up. The first mile stone to my new sexy life is the half marathon in March. 

Paz and I are cutting out Booze, Coffee, Cigarettes and Takeaways for two months to help us get to the peak of physical condition for this mad long run! Im hoping this will stem over to our lives after the detox. My goal behind this is to makes this a life thing rather than a 2 month goal. Im doing it big. Iv gotten so serous about it a Google imaged "6ft 110kg male" and this is what I came up with:

Im by no means in to wrestling but I want to look like John Cena one day. First thing tomorrow Im going for a run then Im going to shoot into town and buy a planner so that I can mark out my weeks- For any of this to be a success I need to have it in writing somewhere... This is where this blog come in!

I will use this as an outlet. As a progress report. As a support network. I am going to blog 5 times a week- even if its just to check in an tell you all how exhausted I am or how much I am hating eating healthy. I decided the other night that I need to keep a structure- the planner helps me to do that and getting into the habit of blogging about my experiences will make it something that I am forced to think about every day!

If ANYONE out there in blog land has managed to successfully go on a health kick that has remained permanent it would be great to hear from you. Similarly- and possibly more importantly- if there is ANYONE out there in blog land who has decided to make it a New Years resolution to maybe slim down and tone up or just make healthier decisions I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to hear from you... I may be pushing it a bit but if there are any fitness guru's or nutritionists in the house that would like to lend a helping hand I would basically love you forever and promise you my first born child (failing that a vial of my sperm).

Anywho- this post was more for me than you. Putting all of my plans out there on my blog adds some sort of finality to it but as always I would still love to hear from you- comments, emails, more followers... what ever!

Peace out my little sex kittens!

PS I just realised that I have asked people to get in touch with me in more than one post but i havent even given you any email address to do it- you can find it in my profile now but its thedawnrave@hotmail.com for those who cant be bothered going to look (I know I would be one of those people)

HAPPY BELATED NEW YEAR

Hey beautiful people!!!

So I have finally managed to sneak on to mums computer... Yes I am back home visiting the folks for a bit- and I wanted to wish you Happy X-Mas and New Years!

I thought I would catch you all up on what I have been up to so Xmas we had up the east coast with my dads family. Thank god I had brought Paz with me- shes the kind of person that makes everything fun. Easiest thing for me to do... and Im guessing the least boring for you would be to bullet the highlights since there wasnt much TOO exciting going on:

• 6 hour trip Xmas eve up the coast
• 3 hours into the drive we decide we are going to do a half marathon in March
• 4 hours into the drive we decide that we need to prepare for this by doing a 2 month detox
• We arrive and I have to do introductions for Paz and all the family I havent seen in at least 5 years
• I introduce Paz to my Cousin and his wife
• Turns out his wife is actually a cousin
• I proceed to get extremely drunk to live down the embarrassment
• Paz and I decide I have 2 hot cousins
• I would do them both if we werent related (Is that wrong?)
• We decide that one of the hot cousins is a snob
• We decide that his fiancee is equally a bitch
• Xmas lunch and I have to sit by the cousin who I thought was a wife of a cousin
• Boxing day and we decided to get away by booking a fully day of tennis, kayaking, snorkelling, and bush walking
• 30 mins into tennis we decide we are shit and give up
• We do our 45 min bush walk in over an hour
• We decide we are too fucked to do either snorkelling and kayaking
• Day after and we cant take it any more so decide to pack up and go camping around the coast

Okay so we decide to camp on the lawn on this backpackers for 15 bux a night which sounds really shitty but actually ended up being quite fun! Our neighbors were 5 Irish girls halfway through a world tour... needless to say we drank alot both nights we were there. The second night we got a bit sick of the backpackers because we had some oyung neightbors move into the dorm next to ours so we decided to go out for a drink- lucky we did because we found out the next morning through eavesdropping that the girl (whom we dubbed Sue) who had gate crashed a boys weekend ended up throwing up in the fridge in their dorm.

That day we decided we had had enough and moved a bit further up the coast. By this time I had been thinking just how fucking horny I was since I havent had a root in a couple of months now!! Thank god for the privacy of cubicle showers!

We head down the centre for New Years and I manage to get a friend to sneak in last night for a QF which is making me feel a lot less tense... was going to go for a run tonight now since I can actually focus on something other than my penis... turns out I left my fucking shoes in the car that Paz took home! not just my running shows but ALL my shoes which means Im barefoot for the next week until Im back home!!!

Anyway Im not sure if this post actually makes any sense or is actually that interesting but I think I just felt the need to just write!

Oh PS was meaning to tell you this so I sucked this guy AAAGES age like maybe 2 years ago and we have kept in touch via SMS but I cant really remeber him or what he looks like (or his name :S) anyway I got the dutch courage on NYE to ask him for his name and  I finally got a partial name like how some people like Bartholemue would call himself Bart kinda shit... so naturally I facebook stalked the contracted name plus last name and turns out this guy I have been dirty SMSing the last 2 years was sitting next to me in graduation this year and I was normal as since I had no idea who he was and im pretty sure he knew who I was! HAHA trust me!

Anyway thats it from me xoxoxox

Bring on 2011

Hey sexy readers. Just a quick message to let you know I'm still alive have been camping for Xmas an new years and have only just found Internet!!! Will be home soon to catch you all up ony shenanigans! Hope all ur xmases were amazing and ur planning a reckless new years! Live it up drink it down:D

xo

Something I HATE

Im a HUGE YouTube addict and I came across this video today which actually made me angry- Angry enough to illicit a response from me! I have gay friends yes- but i hate evangelical gays (much the same as I hate evangelical Christians). I dont get along with gays but I shouldnt be chastised for having these feelings- much the same as I dont believe I should be ridiculed for being gay or black people should be abused for the color of their skin... and the list goes on.

My Email Response:

This is the first video i have ever disliked.

I dont like gays and I am gay. I dont go out to gay bars and flaunt my dislike for gays and there is a good reason for that. A lot of the gays in my "community" don't do anything to improve peoples stereotypical perception of the community as a whole and yet they are quite happy to bitch and moan about gay hate and homophobia. A lot profess to be more than just gay but do nothing to actually BE more than simply gay- gay is simply a sexual preference it is not a personality trait and shouldnt be treated as such.

Its interesting to note that sex and being at a gay bar are almost linked in this video (no I realise they are not directly or outrightly linked- but the implication of having the two listed one after the other is still there and creates the association).

My ex boyfriend was the first person to introduce me to the whole "gay scene" and I knew from the outset that this was not the kind of "scene" I wanted to be involved in nor are these the kind of people that I want to associate myself with- this does not make me a homophobe- This makes me selective- The same would have occurred if he had introduced me to a community of drug users (in some cases the two are linked).

Yes I fuck guys because I enjoy it that doesnt make me a hypocrite! If I were straight and I didnt like one particular type of girl - say I didnt like blondes because I thought they were shallow and self absorbed (not the case but just for arguments sake) Im still straight and Im not trying to skew the light I feel I am portrayed in and Im still having sex with girls- Im not labelled anything- its the same principal in this situation. So why then is it such a terrible thing for gay men not to like other gay men?

You say that I am self loathing and insecure- Since I came out I have never been more confident or sure of myself- I dont pretend to be something I am not- I dont pretend to be one of they gays that I would rather avoid nor do I pretend to be straight- If ever I am asked about my sexuality I am 100% truthful and 100% proud to be who I am. The key word there being I- I am proud of the person I have become since coming out- I am simply me and no one else- I should not feel penalized by evangelical gays for not welcoming the community with open arms.

Yes I agree that going to a gay bar to bitch about how much you hate gays seems to be a BIG contradiction and is more than likely a reflection of this persons insecurities- I just wanted to make sure you know that not ALL gays who dont like gays are like that.